every single step
by AktubQasas
Summary: After telling Kay that it would be better to leave the house Marc spends an uncomfortable afternoon and evening and decides to speak with him the same night. But the night does not go as planned. AU from there. Based on the strong belief that Marc would have made better choices if he would have known what it felt like to be without Kay before the blonde finally disappeared.
1. The right thing

Soo, by means of a funny coincidence I recently re-watched free fall and got introduced to the powerful songs of Enno Bunger within the same 24 hours. And suddenly I felt like I just "had to" write a different end for Kay and Marc. Watching the movie, I felt the that Marc would have made better decisions if he just had experienced Kay not being "available" for him… so I made two alterations to the memorable Saturday where Marc's parents ask Kay to leave their son alone and went from there. The first is Marc visits Kay apartment not the next day but later in the evening after he asked him to leave… the rest will follow. Yalla.

As English is more broadly understood than german I have decided to write the story in English and to translate the song of Enno Bunger that inspires later chapters of this story.

Reviews are motivation.

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Chapter 1. - the right thing

"Kay ? Kay, are you home ?"

Marc opened the door and looked around the apartment. He needed to speak with Kay before their shift on Monday. How could he just show up at his family house? How dare he upset his mother by speaking about love of all thing,s while family and friends are gathering ?

Things had run way out of control and he needed it to stop.

He needed to be available and reliable for his family. The whole experience with Kay had been a crazy mess and it had to stop now. Kay had to understand. He would not discuss this or give any details, he would simply ask him to leave. Everything was clear, no big analysis needed. Marc was a dad. He was supposed to support his little son and his wife now, not partying and playing around with the blonde that was uprooting his life.

"Kay I think it is best if you get transferred" or maybe "you should think about getting a transfer" something like this.  
Simple. Clear. No room for discussing whatever feelings there may be or could have been.  
It was useless thinking about this anyways.

Kay wasn't home so Marc decided to wait. It had to end tonight before any more damage happened, so he would wait. It would be one final lie to Bettina. -An emergency at work, one more fake night shift. Sure she was suspicious already, but once Kay would be gone, everything would go back to normal.

His chest felt tight and so uncomfortable. Maybe Kay leaving would make it hard to breath for a while.  
Probably it would. But it would pass. He had never been breathing evenly and it hadn't been a fucking problem until the academy.  
It would be okay. It would hurt but it would be okay.  
He and his family would be okay.

Half an hour passed, then another. Nine became ten and then eleven.  
The walking up and down the apartment became just as boring as sitting on the ground and after the 6th cigarette Marcs nerves were showing.  
What the fuck was going on? Where was Kay? He had checked the duty roster once more before coming here.  
Kay was off both Saturday and Sunday. Midnight was approaching quickly, so if he was still out….  
Would it be possible that he went out partying ?

Did Kay already get the message in the overtly tense living room with his parents ?  
Did he turn to drugs and partying for the night?  
Marc didn't want to continue these thoughts and light up another cigarette. He would give back the key tonight.

"Please transfer." This is what he would say.  
Two words. Simple.  
The right thing.


	2. In the twilight

Chapter 2 – in the twilight

Marc woke up feeling cold and his back hurting. Disoriented he searched around for a lamp or lighter and found his phone.  
4:37 AM it showed.  
And in its dim light the glass doors of Kays apartment could be seen. Marc got up from the balcony floor, stumbled around and quickly understood two things : Kay still hadn't come home and with the approaching fall the temperatures dropped significantly at night. He moved back inside and searched the kitchen for any of that instant coffee that Kay kept around. Something to warm up.

4:50... shit.

While he stirred the drink his brain bombarded him with different versions of the same scenario.  
Kay had gone out and picked someone to move on.  
He wouldn't even have to make any effort, wouldn't need to make any plans. Just go to a club and pick one of the guys that line up to touch him. The clock clearly told that drinking and dancing was not where it had ended tonight. Kay still hadn't returned home and the club closed around 4… so he must have went to the home of whichever guy he picked that night. Kay had told him, he wasn't fucking anyone else. But after saying that he was a one-off and should just leave him alone...what did Marc expect ?

It hurt thinking about it but somehow his brain wouldn't stop. Provide him pictures of all the guys faces that had been eyeing them, eying Kay, the last time they had visited the club. Would he pick one of those young lanky feminine boys with their easy "take me" smiles and clichéd behavior ?  
Would Kay pick a guy that was muscular and strong ?  
Would he prefer dark hair or blonde ?

His chest hurt at all the questions in his head, and underneath it there was the strangest disappointed that he didn't even know, couldn't even tell, if he had ever been Kay's "type" or not. Maybe there was a long list of lovers looking just like him and Kay was adding to that list right now. The coffee tasted more and more bitter in his mouth.

Did it matter if the guy Kay shared the night with looked like him ?  
He shouldn't care.  
He wouldn't care.  
Kay needed to leave his life. Now.

Another sip. Suddenly a clear memory of a blue eyed pale guy touching Kays arm assaulted him. Blue-eyes had been clearly interested and not shy to make contact when Marc left Kay alone at the bar for a few minutes. Maybe that guy, that he had scared away only a few weeks ago. Maybe that guy was now buried inside Kay, holding him. A frustrated cry left his throat as he threw the cup against the wall.

Enough. Enough for tonight. He would leave this apartment before he lost his sanity completely.

In the car he felt a weird mix of frustration, anger and loneliness. Night shift would end at seven so he about two hours before he could arrive home without raising further suspicion. Maybe he should head out for a run and simply burn some energy. Get rid of that ticking bomb inside his chest. After that he could head home, have breakfast and take care of his family.

When Marc reached the parking lot just outside the local park he changed into his running clothes and tried to calculate how many rounds he would need to do to cover his normal distance. About 4 and a half. Okay, so that's what he would to. He didn't like the idea of making the same round multiple times, running like a caged animal… but the woods were no alternative today. Too many memories with Kay would never make it possible to clear his head there.

He had almost finished his first round when his eyes caught something weird on his left next to the bushes on the other side of the lawn. It was hard to tell but a grey dog or maybe sweater was lying on the ground. When he jogged across the lawn to approach, his eyes were able to make out the shape of a person in the twilight. It didn't look like a passed out drunk or homeless person, the clean sweat trouser and white running shoes didn't fit. The closer he came the stronger a sense of foreboding grew in him. The person felt familiar.

The second his eyes were able to make out blood and blond hair on the person he changed to a sprint. His breath stopped once he reached the still person on the ground. The guy was heavily bruised around the nose and some blood had dried on his face but still it was unmistakably clear, this was definitely Kay.

"no! Kay?" Marc fell to his knees and immediately began to check for vitals, the source of the pool of blood and any other kind of damage. He called 110 and was relieved when he was able to make out a pulse on the cold neck and also found that the blonde was breathing. But Kay didn't react to his presence and the pool of blood below his head looked dangerously big.

"Kay, Kay, you have got to wake up. Look at me" he kept repeating his name and trying to get any reaction out of him. But nothing happened. It felt like forever until the ambulance arrived and paramedics lifted him onto a stretcher.

Marc felt like he couldn't breathe. "Sir? Sir, look at me sir. Can you tell me how long before calling us did you find the victim? Was he still responsive when you found him? "

"Kay"

"Sorry Sir ?"

"the … he is called Kay Engel. Maybe one minute before I made the call."

"Laura, we're ready to go. " the paramedic called after connecting Kay to various instruments. Marc went into the back of the Ambulance with the female paramedic.

"Are you family Sir? " she asked while throwing the second paramedic a quick glance.

"We work together at the station. Police station." Marc fumbled to show his office ID. "He wasn't responsive when I arrived. I will come with him".

The blonde paramedic nodded once and closed the doors "Okay. Tobi, let's go".


	3. Ghost

Chapter 3 - ghost

They arrived at the hospital within minutes but Marc couldn't tell time. The only things he could tell were that Kay looked incredibly, scarily pale and that the paramedic didn't like the temperature reading she got of Kay. At the hospital, everything went extremely rushed and loud.

"Multiple head trauma, blood loss, hypothermia, pulse and blood pressure low but stable, possibly further trauma in midsection."

"OR1 is prepped, MRI1 remains in standby for us. Let's go."

Marc saw them transport Kay through a set of doors and understood without any words the nurses look. He was not allowed to follow.  
"Washrooms are to your left and the waiting area is just behind you".  
Marc couldn't manage more than a nod as a response before he fell down on a seat.

After one hour of waiting, he overheard a call for a MRI technician as "patient had been stabilized for head scan" but that was it. No news, nothing. The fear for Kay's life and the guilty conscience about all his thoughts last night were eating at Marc. While he had been smoking cigarette after cigarette and imagining Kays party night out the blonde had been hurt badly and left bleeding in the park. Kay wasn't out partying, he was hurt, defenseless, waiting for help.  
Shit.

His phone kept vibrating every now and again but Marc couldn't care to answer. Couldn't move any muscle, first he needed to know Kay was alright.

About noon a guy dropped into the seat next to him, shaking him out of his stoic waiting.

"There you are, Marc. Couldn't you just answer your goddam phone ?  
First Bettina called me worried about your night shift not ending and then Karl asks me how to contact you for the statement about finding Engel."

It took Marc a moment to understand that Frank was speaking to him. "Shit, Frank I am sorry. I hadn't realized how late it has become, I was just waiting on news about Kay, I, I must have fallen asleep." He tried to lie. He hadn't closed one eye, hadn't dared to move from his chair, afraid that he may miss any news, any hint of information about Kay. The doctor that took Kay to the OR had not come back out. Noone came out from behind the double doors in the last two hours.

"You don't look like you got any sleep now or during your " NIGHT SHIFT"." Frank was obviously pissed about his lies – shit…what did he tell Bettina ?

"Frank, what did…"

"I tell Bettina ? Nothing. For now. But I am not going to lie for you. I said I'd find you. Here I am. So you go clean that blood of off your hands and face and let me drive you back to the station. Maybe you call your family on the way there ?! " Frank didn't make it sound like an option but like a command. So Marc got up and went to the washroom.

"Frank can you check if there is any news on Kay ? It looked like he lost a lot of blood." Frank barely nodded before he went to the information desk.

Marc couldn't recognize the man in the mirror that looked at him in the washrooms. Removing the blood -Kays blood – didn't make any difference. The guy looked like a ghost. Marc tried to pull himself together and burry any tears he felt coming up. He couldn't break down in front of Frank or his family. Not because of a guy. Not now, not ever. When he left the washroom Frank was waiting at the door, ready to go.

"They didn't want to give any info. He is still in surgery. Even if it goes well, it will be a couple of hours before he is brought up to intensive care. They asked me to contact his family"

"Shit" Marc tried not to show any of the panic that was rising in his chest.

"Yep. Let's go to the station."

Two hours later Marc was sitting in on his living room couch listening to Bettina. She was asking for the 10th time why he didn't take her call or call her back.

"I am sorry. Okay ?! My phone was silent. "

"You could have called me back. Should have called me back. How could you forget to let me know where you are ? What is going on with you Marc, do you not care about anything anymore ?" Her helplessness in dealing with this disengaged, lying version her boyfriend had turned into in the last couple of months made her angry. Why wouldn't he just talk to her ?

"Bettina. I said I am sorry. It will not happen again. My colleague was attacked last night and I just fell asleep waiting for updates on him."

"So now you care about him ?" Bettina screamed. "Yesterday it was wrong of me to invite him and he – let me quote 'is not a part of your circle of friends' and now you wait 6 hours for updates on his status ? You didn't even wait that long when Frank had that beer bottle incident two years ago !"

The baby started crying in the background.  
" Bettina, again. I am sorry. I will get Sebastian back to sleep and then I will get some rest. " He left the room without waiting for a reply.


	4. High time

Chapter 4 – high time

The next morning before work, Marc stopped at the nurses' desk of the intensive care unit. He tried to flirt his way to some information about Kay's state, but all he got was the very vague information that Kay had survived the procedures and operations and had been put into an artificial coma to improve his recovery process. What the hell had happened to him? When would he wake up again ? Would he wake up? Would there be any kind of longer lasting effects or damages? All of these scary questions were running around Marcs head as he made his way to the morning meeting.

"As I am sure you have already heard colleague Engel has been involved in a physical altercation or possibly become victim of a violent attack Saturday night. He suffered from multiple traumas, has been operated on and is currently in the intensive care unit of Marienhospital downtown. Our colleagues Meier and Keller from department F03 have taken over the case for now and plan to interview the members of our team in the course of this week. I expect your full cooperation in the analysis of these unfortunate events. I promise to update you on all types of news immediately." Eiden added a few sentences about staying optimistic and focusing on work before leaving the room.

The day seemed to drag on infinitely but still Marc didn't feel any hunger when lunchbreak finally came.

"Hey Marc, is it true you found him? " Britt asked with a mixture of concern and curiosity as she sat down across from him"

"Yeah, the ambulance was there real quick though." Marc had expected this. Still, he really didn't feel like sharing these minutes somewhere between panic, fear and the learned routine of accessing status of victims. But Britt was staring at him expectantly. "There's really not much to say. I was having an early morning run, I saw someone on the ground, went over there and it just happened to be Engel. I have no idea what happened to him, when or why. And for everything that happened afterwards you'll have to ask in the hospital. Sorry." Marc got up and went outside for a smoke.

At home Bettina was still waiting for him to explain. Explain Saturday, explain Sunday morning, explain all the weird moods and things of the last months. Thankfully she wasn't pushing anything for now, so Marc just took his chance to spend some time with the baby. Hugging him to his chest and carrying him around the halfway ready nursery. Alone with his son in this room he had a purpose and at least part of his life made sense.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went in a similar fashion, Eiden gave no updates on Kay's status and Marc was barely functioning. His mind would wander to Kay all the time and people in office were starting to get annoyed with his exhaustion and "moodiness". He claimed the baby didn't allow much sleep at the moment and felt slightly guilty over blaming his son who actually was an angel.  
The problem was the lack of news, which left him worrying about never seeing Kay smile again. When he was more optimistic (realistic, he hoped) he thought about seeing Kay again and than there were too many beautiful memories in his mind and too much worry for what was to come. Because of Kay there was no concentration but also no funny diversion there was worry and no way to find sleep easily. And even if he fell asleep his dreams centered on the fights they have had and on the harsh last sentence spoken between them.

At least 10 times did Marc drive by the hospital closely, sometimes even stopped in the parking lot but he never made it back up to the nurse station, afraid of bad news or questions. He thought about coming in uniform and claiming to be involved in the investigation, but it was too risky with people from his station actually interviewing everyone that had only so much as seen Kay in the last two weeks. So he didn't leave the car but went home.

Later in bed he couldn't fall asleep. The strained atmosphere between him and Bettina felt horrible and needed to be fixed urgently, but his brain was not able to think about anything for long except for how Kay would be in the cold and sterile smelling rooms of the hospital and how he would hate sleeping under the heavy beddings provided. It seemed like a bad case of fate that the guy he wanted to stop messing up his family life, was now consuming almost all of his energy and focus without doing anything.

Thursday morning Marc got up very early, feeling like he spend the night on a weird rollercoaster ride. He had slept restlessly remembering afternoons spend in bed with Kay then kept dreaming of Kay dying in the park or dying on the transport to the hospital in an loop. Kay would suddenly stop breathing, the instruments in the ambulance would first beep in alarm and finally in a constant flat signal. The paramedic would start resuscitation procedures immediately but the doctors would declare Kay dead on arrival in the emergency room. Marc felt like he was drowning, couldn't breath.

He woke up and after half an hour of tossing and turning he fell asleep and dreamt about the first few academy weekends. The hidden smiles, the challenges, the seemingly accidental touches that would continue to appear and lengthen. One weekend Kay had lit every single cigarette while holding Marcs hand. He didn't care if Marc had a lighter, matches or only a lit cigarette...Kay would grab that hand... and he would combine lighting a cigarette and sending sparks along Marcs hand in playful and sometimes incredibly intimate ways. They didn't speak about it. Wouldn't dare to. But Kays eyes were implying challenges and sinful things. And Marc couldn't look away. He was getting addicted to these new feelings.

Suddenly the dream shifted away from the memories and moved to the living room of his new house which felt tense and overcrowded.

His parents were there and Claudia, Frank, Britt, more team members and of course Kay. He seemed to be the center of attention as he walked up to Marc. Kay looked truly upset and defeated "you think it's better if I go now, better if I leave you alone? Okay Marc, so this is goodbye. How about one last contact before I disappear. A Kiss ? A Punch ? Some words ? I'll take whatever you give."

The family and friends were staring disbelieving and shocked at them, while Marc stood frozen.

The people started speaking but he couldn't understand a word, he was hypnotized by Kays hurt and challenging eyes right in front of him and the suffocating idea of one final kiss...  
how would he be able to in this setting? In front of all these people ?

Seconds passed, maybe a minute. Then Kay made a half step towards him, "Pussy" he whispered. He placed a small kiss on Marcs cheek "see you next life" he whispered.

Marc woke up shaking. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He needed to get to the hospital. Maybe this was his intuition telling him something. What if Kay was dying ? Maybe Marcs mind was just gloomy tonight and everything would be okay. Whatever it was, after three days of no news it was becoming high time to see Kay.


	5. Don't lie to me

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Freier Fall, I am just playing with them.

In this chapter I am quoting from a song that I also don't own. It's "don't lie to me" by Lena. Go check it out on youtube! Anything regarding soccer mentioned here is the result of two minutes google research,and may be very worng. Sorry guys, it's just not my sport.

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Chapter 5- Don't lie to me

Sneaking into Kays hospital room had been easier than Marc expected. What he hadn't expected was that he was barely able to recognize Kay. His face was showing all colors of the rainbow and the upper part of his head was covered in many layers of gauze. The blonde was attached to lots of monitors, tubes and IV's, but since he was breathing on his own, he appeared to be sleeping. Marc kept standing a couple of steps away from the bed, unsure what to do, unsure what he had expected to find. There was no way for him to get information from this room, the displays and graphs, even the papers attached to the end of the bed meant nothing to him. He came here to know Kays status. But this was actually useless. Still he couldn't make himself leave the room just yet. He paced up and down at the foot of the bed, made a few steps in each direction and tried to argue the options to get Information from the nurses once more. It was useless and might get him into trouble. He couldn't do it.

After a few minutes, he walked up to the side of the bed. When Marc finally took one of Kays hands in his and gave it a light squeeze, he still didn't know anything. But his heart felt calmer, and he immediately took a few deep breaths without realizing that he hadn't done this in weeks. Marc kept holding Kays hand wishing him to wake up, to smile at him. He was so focused on the warm weight of Kays hand in his, that he didn't notice the night nurse checking the room through the window. Neither did he notice the few tears that were running down his cheeks. He was simply in the moment, trying to soak up some of the feelings he couldn't describe. Trying to soak up some Kay.

An alarm in one of the neighboring rooms set of a commotion in the hallway and jerked Marc into action. Placing a kiss on Kays hand he checked the situation and sneaked out of the hallway and out of the hospital. When he reached his car he did a double take at the clock. 7 AM ? That couldn't be right. When his phone confirmed the time Marc hurried to work and tried to remember when he entered the hospital. His mind must be playing tricks on him; it could not possibly have been more than one and a half hours. Anyways, he had to hurry to work. So he started the car and turned on the radio:

"You only did what you did for a reason, yeah  
You tried to open up, but you were scared to lose what we have

Why, why?  
Did I tell you things that I didn't believe in  
I lied  
Tried to protect you by hiding my feelings  
We got tied  
Up in this lie I created to keep you on my side  
Keepin' it inside of me isn't worth it

Don't lie to me  
Don't you do what I've done to you  
Don't lie to me  
I promise I know it's bad for you  
Don't lie to me  
Don't wanna go back to how we both used to be  
Uh-na-na, one thing I know  
We won't lie around here no more

I don't know who we think we're deceivin', yeah  
Tell me, why does it feel like we need to hide what we are"

Stopping the car he saw an also slightly delayed Limpinski rushing through the doors of the station. Marc lit a cigarette. And closing the car door he thought "that guy's a good reason to hide what we are….".

The time at work seemed to pass more easily than in the days before but once Marc reached home the tense mood there felt horrible. Bettina had prepared some dinner and appeared to not accept one more night of complete silence.

"So, how was work ?" She asked, passing him the potatoes.

"Okay."

"And ? Come on Marc, talk to me."

Marc sighed and took a sip from his beer. "We're planning our operation for next weeks' soccer match. Some known troublemakers from Dynamo Dresdens fans are expected to try confronting Stuttgart fans, so we are trying to find routes and road blocks to have them separate at all times. Working with three other units is giving Eiden a headache."

"Will this mean overtime or night shifts again?" Bettina asked noticing how Marc tensed up immediately.

"I don't know yet, honey. Thank you for cooking dinner, it's great." Marc tried looking anywhere but at her face, scared that she would go back to asking about previous night shifts. He couldn't believe his luck when the doorbell rang and was up and at the door within seconds. He had hoped for a second that it would be a spontaneous visit from Frank but found his mother at the door.

"Mama? What are you doing here ?"

"I just wanted to see how you're doing. Is everyone healthy ? Everything good ?" She moved passed her son into the hallway.

"Yes, we are doing okay. Actually we are just having dinner now and Sebastian is asleep, so… Mama, what are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to check on you. I saw the car at the hospital again in the morning and was worried that someone of you were seriously sick, you didn't pick up the phone so..."

"You went to the hospital, Marc ?" Bettina had joined them in the hallway. The question, the distrust in her eyes was physically hurting him. He tried not to let it show.

"Yeah, it was nothing, just a checkup for my nose, if everything has healed properly" Marc lied. He clearly saw his mothers' shift in mood when he mentioned the incident that had made her pick him up less than three weeks ago. She was silent for a moment, her jaw seemed tense.

"Inge? Is everything allright ?" Bettina carefully asked.

"Oh, yes. Well, good that you take doctor's visits seriously, Marc, your dad never does." Her smile felt strained but after a few seconds she continued. "So, I tried calling you because on Saturday there will be barbecue in the Mueller's garden. You know, they just became grandparents a few week ago, like us. And they have invited you to join us. Hartmut's daughter will also join with her twins. They are six months now and soo cute. You have to come, being with other new parents will be good for you. Schiller's may also come by in the afternoon. Bettina, what do you say?"

Bettina looked not exactly ecstatic but confirmed their attendance nonetheless. After a few more minutes of strained pleasantries, Marcs mother left the house and the couple resumed their dinner in silence.

"Bettina, I will go over to Frank for a beer or two, Promise to be back by eleven." He was already at the door when Bettina appeared in the hallway. "Don't lie to me, Marc."

"I'm not. I will be at Frank's. And I will be home by eleven."


	6. beer, pizza and flowers

Author's note: I am referrring to Franks affair that has been edited out off the movie. In the deleted scence there are two talks between Marc and Frank dealing with the topic of affairs and it is revealed that Frank has an ongoing affair with Britt. I will not put too much focus on it, just mentioning where I "stole" that idea.

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Chapter 6 – beer, pizza and flowers

Going to Frank had not been a good idea. While he was happy to see Marc, he assumed that he came to talk about the "nightshift" that ended in the emergency room or about some of the changes in behavior that Frank that observed in him.  
As they were sitting outside in the garden Frank even tried to convince him to speak with Bettina and to be honest. Marc struggled not to laugh and reminded his friend that he himself was not being a perfect husband, that he was also hiding things. However, Marc didn't want to upset his friend – neither by analyzing what had developed between Kay and him nor by speaking about the affair Frank was having, so he tried to close the topic quickly. He tried to imply that everything that needed to, would come out at the right time.  
Frank only replied that it was foremost key to understand what he wants, what he expects and to not hurt Bettina. "Marc, whatever you do… whoever you do it with -try not to lie to me. We have always been honest with each other. But more importantly don't lie to yourself." Frank got up, went into the kitchen and came back outside with two more beers. He handed one to Marc, who was barely looking at his face.

"Marc, things happen, affairs happen or whatever adventures you're having ,whatever doubts you're having they happen - they may be not that important and pass, or they may be important - it's for you to figure out. I just feel like you are stuck in some mess and your restlessness and your moods affect your family, your work, all of us." Frank sat down again and stopped talking. His friend seemed to be in thoughts and not willing to share any of them.

When he arrived back at home, Marc felt tired but couldn't fall asleep. The pressure to explain himself, to talk was getting bigger and bigger and he felt that he didn't know what to, what to say. He wanted nothing more than to continue his family life with Bettina and their son and become the good husband and dad he had always hoped to be one day. Right now, everything should be easy and clear. Kay was, for the lack of a better term "out of the picture", not much differently than what he would have requested almost a week ago, the situation at work and his course was okay and he should be able to concentrate on his family life. Enjoy the new developments. But he wasn't. He was worried about Kay, was missing him constantly and felt like every single breath was focusing on him only.

Yesterday he even caught himself daydreaming Kay into his taking care of the baby. While he was changing Sebastian's diapers, he imagined Kay checking up on them from over Marcs shoulder, asking him about his day and handing him a fresh diaper. The images in his head were peculiarly homey and were difficult to align with the partying guy that Marc knew Kay to be. On the other hand, the daydreams' images were easy to align with the warm and caring Kay that stared at him after their lovemaking and that came to check up on his nose after a long shift. Kay was excitement and fun and danger but at the same time comfort and softness and… well love. Frank was right. Things happen. And all these things were keeping Marc awake now. Without showing him what they meant.

Friday morning Marc was still ruminating his daydreams, thoughts and actions when the morning meeting turned interesting:

"Our colleagues from Stuttgart have contacted me just an hour ago to ask if anyone of our unit can be available tomorrow to support the supervision of the demonstrations. As per last nights' court decision, all three demonstrations are granted for tomorrow, but none of them has been labeled critical. That means there will be no emergency call for complete units from the area to jump in to support. It will be on volunteers' basis only and they will fill the rest of mandatory spots with those of their own guys that have off weekend or vacation.  
So, anyone up to save a Stuttgart colleagues' vacation? Preferably someone with time to also support the operations planning tonight?" A few hands raised up and Marc quickly decided that this was a perfect opportunity to avoid his parents barbecue invitation and show some engagement at work.

"Meier, Köllner, Berchert, Borgmann" Eiden nodded at each of their raised hands." Very well, please come see me in the course of the morning to organize the details." The unit members started grabbing their coffee cups, some discussing their weekend plans in low voices getting up to leave the room.

"One more thing" Eiden interrupted the police officers "I have been informed by the Marienhospital that today the medication for the artificial coma will be discontinued for our colleague Engel. He will be transferred down from the intensive care to the general internal medicine floor. He is expected to regain consciousness anywhere between 24 and 60 hours from now and can be visited. The nurses have however requested me to tell you to NOT visit in big groups. I think they are afraid of a repeat of the chaos that occurred when colleague Richter was hospitalized." Eiden commented with a small laugh.

"That was the still the best pizza party of my life, thank you guys" Frank commented, remembering fondly how Lukas, Britt, Marc and Gregor had coordinated a gathering of almost half their unit around his bed when he became bored.

When Eiden left, Britt turned around to Frank and Marc "So, what do you guys think about making a visit on Monday or Tuesday after the shift ? Just some outside food, maybe a couple flowers ?"

Gregor Limpinski turned towards her "Why do you wanna run after that faggot anyways ? Flowers ? It's not like the cocksucker will fall in love with you."

"Shut up Gregor" Frank interjected. He caught Britts upset look and Marcs tense silence. "Let's just speak about this later Britt. For now, let's go to work".

Marc felt elated that Kay was supposed to wake up soon; it was as if his tiredness had been pushed away by the good news and he was finally able to focus and work again. To further improve his mood he felt very good about his decision to support the Stuttgart police after the talk with is superior. Bernd Eiden had complimented him on taking his chance to apply the academy training in a real situation and thanked him for agreeing to travel in the afternoon and show "the departments' reliability" in supporting the operations planning in Stuttgart.


	7. big city soul

Chap 7 –big city soul

Marc went home early to pack a small bag and notify Bettina. She had not been happy with his decision but avoided the fight and just gave him the cold shoulder instead. Marc cuddled and hugged his little son for a while and left for Stuttgart. The traffic in the inner city annoyed him for a bit, but he managed to arrive on time for the operations planning. He had been dubbed "the Ludwigsburg guy" and learned quickly that tomorrow was going to be a chaotic day for the city of Stuttgart.  
Three groups had registered demonstrations and protest marches: the union of primary school teachers planned to demonstrate against a change in the financing policy of music, arts and sports programs, the Lesbian and gay association wanted to protest for a change in adoption rights and a right wing nationalist group prepared to protest against immigrants living within city limits during their asylum process. The head organizer hat labeled the groups "the teachers" "the rainbows " and "the anti- immigrants" and showed different options and routes for all three groups. Main target was to keep the groups clearly separated and to not block all major streets at the same time, as it was the main day for shopping and inner city activities. Additionally an eye should be kept on the central station and prevent any grouping of possible counter- demonstrators that may want to interfere or simply provoke "the rainbows" or "the anti-immigrants".

During the meeting Marc was actually able to use some of his training and impressed one of the older officers by suggesting a small change in the route that would improve the options of redistribution of police officers immensely, if it should be required. When the operations organization was explained to the main unit leaders half an hour later Marc was standing with the department heads in front of the group. He didn't get to speak, but the change in perspective was an interesting experience.

"So basically we will use "the teachers" as a buffer between "the rainbows" and "the anti-immigrants" and keep at least two lines of officers and a street between each of the groups." The head organizer summarized.

"You will find the exact starting location for your unit tomorrow morning at 8 in the action plans. Official timing of the demonstrations is between 11 and 3, so if we get lucky we will all be home on time for dinner". Some chuckles could be heard from the unit heads and then the people started to leave to room. Marc was just thinking about options for dinner when two officers approached him "Hey, Ludwigsburg, wait." a red headed female called out.

"Yes? I'm Marc Borgmann." Marc offered in her direction.

"Jenny Schmidt" she extended her hand for a shake and then pointed at the guy next to her "and this is Tom Hauberg"

"Got one short question: Is Engel joining later tonight or tomorrow ?"

Marc couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Sorry?"

"There is a blonde officer from your station Kay Engel, the last couple of months he was typically joining for "volunteer"-shift stuff. Do you know if he is coming?" Tom asked with a bit too much enthusiasm for Marcs liking.

"No he won't be. He is currently in hospital and not able to work." Marc answered shortly.

"Oh, sorry to hear this. I hope he will be alright." Jenny said, checking Marcs features carefully, as if she was afraid to say or ask anything. "Sooo, you got any dinner plans, Marc ? You could join us if you like." she invited him quickly throwing a "why not" gesture at Tom.

"No plans yet." Marc answered.

"We're going for greek and meet in about 20 minutes in front of the station, itÄs in walking distance and you're welcome to join us" Tom explained and left in the direction of the lockers as Jenny left in the opposite direction with a "see you in a few".

Marc decided to use the time to have a call with his father. In few words he explained how this extra shift would be beneficial for making use of his training and showing motivation to his department head. They didn't speak about anything else. His dad had never been a man of many words, but ever since "the living room confrontation" with Kay he was even more tight-lipped with his son. So after a few minutes Marc simply ended the call and waited for Jenny and Tom.

The greek restaurant was an old and cozy one that served too large amount of foods with lots of friendly smiles. Marc felt at least a bit relaxed when his two companions shared some stories of funny moments from demonstration and other none too serious events of the station. But, just like Marc's thoughts also the two colleagues questions came back to Kay within less than half an hour.

"So is Kay in hospital because of something that happened on duty or off duty?" Tom asked.

"He was off duty. It's not clear what happened but looks like he was attacked or got into a fight while he was out running. He's wasn't able to give a statement yet".

"But he will be okay?" Jenny asked with honest concern in her voice.

"Everyone hopes so, he should wake up any day now" Marc tried to close the topic before his emotions would show.

"Maybe we can visit him one off-day" Jenny suggested "make sure the small town vibes are not killing his big city soul". Marc looked at her with what he feared was not the most neutral face.

"I'm not shit-talking you're city Marc, calm down." The redhead laughed at him friendly "I'm just saying that Kay is a guy for clubs, Vietnamese street food and art exhibitions and not so much for the bratwurst, beer and shooting club combo that predominates Ludwigsburg."

Marc had to laugh in agreement "okay, I get what you're saying. So is that how you got to know each other? Vietnamese food after a "volunteer" shift ?"

"Almost." Tom smiled at him. "We were thrown together by coincidence about 4 months ago during one of these football matches where nothing goes as planned. Kay got me and a colleague out of a messy situation and then shamelessly tried to flirt his way into a free dinner with Jenny. "

"And I directly told him that he can join us for dinner if he drops the macho act and does not embarrass us in our favourite vietnamese diner by asking for Schnitzel" Jenny continued the story with a smile. "We had a great time, nice talks and since then, whenever there is any cooperation for FC Stuttgart games or any volunteer events we make it a point to grab dinner or breakfast or something." Marc tried to remember if Kay eve rmentioned anything like this but came up empty.

"Guys, you'd like a beer or wine? I'm going to order". Tom said standing up, returing a few minutes later with their drinks. The three talked about mostly work related stuff for another hour before Jennys phone rang. She excused herself for a moment.

Tom used the time alone with Marc to ask a question that had been bothering him all night "So how did you react to Kays coming out?"

Marc held his breath for a moment, trying to think of a good reply. "I don't think it was a smart decision. But I am not bothering him, if that's what you're asking."

"hey, I'm just worried for a friend, a colleague… he just wrote me that there was some trouble in the unit. Nothing major just silly hassle. I just wanted to know what side you are on."

The tensed mood was interrupted by Jenny coming back." Sorry Gents, that was Lis. Kathi doesn't want to sleep without me reading her a story, so I gotta leave in the next … "she looked at her watch " let's say 5 minutes maybe".

"Your daughter ? " Jenny nodded so Marc asked "How old is she?"

"Kathi is turning 5 soon. And she is insanely proud of her saving-the –world-police officer mom." She laughed "I am pretty sure that in a couple of years she will think differently about it."

"Maybe one day teenagers will think police officers are cool, who knows?" Tom offered.

"My dad was a police officer and I became one… but.., no, I doubt that will ever be the case." Marc answered.

"Sorry Tom, I'm with Ludwigsburg on this one" Jenny got up and grabbed her jacket "I've got to leave now. Was nice meeting you Marc, maybe we see each other tomorrow."


	8. now

AN: This chapter is in inspired by and features a german song by Bosse: "alles ist jetzt" (everything is now) I have tried to translate it as closely in content as possible. Please go and check out the song, it may help getting an idea of mood for this chapter. Please leave a review, Comments or questions if you have the time!

* * *

Chapter 8 - now

The next morning Marc felt something similar to rested. He had dreamt about Kay more times than he could count and sure he woke up a couple of times, but totaling above 5 hours of sleep felt like the best rest he had in forever. The start of the shift held a nice surprise for him when he found Jenny and Tom in a side street to Schillerplatz setting some barricades. All of them had been located in about the same area for "the rainbows".

"So you and Lis will be on opposite sides of the barricade today, isn't that a bit strange?" Tom asked while repositioning some fences with Marc and Jenny.

"Nah, she knows it's part of my job and Kathi is starting to understand it as well, so it's cool. I just hope there will be no chaos or panic or idiots… I am always worried when Kathi participates in demonstrations" Jenny caught the questions in Marcs' eyes. "Lis is my wife… well my registered life partner. She will be demonstrating today for my right to legally become Kathis mother."

"Oh" Was all Marc said for a second. He never would have thought…"I would also be worried if my child was going to a demonstration. It's just the jobs perspective, we see how violent, how shitty it can get. So I think it's natural to worry" he replied.

Jenny smiled at him but got called away before she could reply. More and more officers were showing up, positioning fences, checking the small stage build up by the organizational group of the march, checking large bags and tirelessly explaining to shop owners, pedestrians and whoever asked why and how long the access to the street would be limited.

When the demonstration of the association of lesbian and gays started everything was ready for the couple of hundred adults and kids and their countless transparents and rainbow flags. The atmosphere was calm and friendly, even if some of the demonstrators showed their frustration about the snails pace in establishment of equal rights in loud and and now and again angry chants. Marc was enjoying the atmosphere and the truly small amount of work that was required. He watched the groups closely and was amazed at the spectrum of people that had joined the march. There were grandmas and great-grandmas in their sixties, seventies and eighties asking that their kids or grandkids may finally get legal status as a parent, groups of young students with what Marc would call "creative hair styles and individual body art" chanting about adoption laws needing to follow constitutional laws, lesbian couples pushing strollers decorated with cardboards ….all in all a wild mix.

One small group captivated Marcs attention especially: 3 guys, a woman and a boy that was maybe 8 or 9 years of age were walking with linked hands. They were all wearing black shirts with a rainbow flag in front and carried a big banner stating, "Family, like love, comes in many forms. Equal rights now."

The backsides of their shirts read "_(Step-)_ **father**" "**mama**" "**papa**" "_(Step-)_ **dad**" and "**I got 4 awesome bodyguards**".  
Their picture made it easy for Marc to imagine a future he hadn't dared dream about until now. What if Sebastian, Kay, Bettina and him would be walking like this in a few years? It seemed absurd and impossible right now. But the second he imagined it, he knew he wanted it like nothing in his life before.

The day concluded in a calm and orderly way for all three demonstrations. To the surprise of pretty much everyone the unit heads actually met back in central operations at 5 PM. Jenny gave Marc her number in between the chaos of thank you's, goodbye's and "have a nice weekend"s and asked to inform her about updates on Kay.

Marc packed his bag into his car and he turned on the radio. Just outside of Ludwigsburg the station announced a new song. Marc listened intently and couldn't help but smile:

"I have learned that the first impression deceives  
And that it can be good to get lost,  
I have learned that even if it's bad,  
The sun will rise nonetheless

And suddenly there is a brilliant idea _(AN: literally a fire kindling/ an igniting idea_)  
like a fresh breeze, a new day  
And suddenly there is a brilliant idea  
And it turns light where there was dark  
And everything is now,  
everything, everything, right now  
Life is too short  
Too short to put on a long face  
And bit by bit the laughter returns  
And the joy and the sway of hips and the happiness

I have learned that there are lots of stupid people,  
that pass on their hate, this way borders are built  
I have learned that the courage you give  
Turns into the love you receive"

Marc entered the hospital in a good mood. He found Kays new room easily. Kay was still sleeping, but the swelling and colorful bruises on his face had healed a bit more. Marc took a chair next to Kays left side and held his hand for a while. "Hey Kay… I know you're not much of an early riser, but they cut off the medication something like 30 hours ago. Can you please hurry to wake up? I need to speak with you. I am sorry for what I said, I want to apologize." Marc caressed Kays hand and lower arm, hoping to get any reaction - but nothing happened. "Kay, I will speak with Bettina today. I am scared shitless. I could use some of your courage." The blonde didn't magically open his eyes but remained sleeping. Marc kept holding his hand for another few minutes before getting up to leave.  
It was time.

Marc took three deep breaths before entering the living room. "Bettina… do you have a moment? " she looked up from her book only for a second but realized immediately that Marc was looking focused and determined in a way she hadn't seen in months. Also he was obviously scared. So she put her book to the side and gestured for Marc to sit down. She saw him chose a spot with quite a bit of distance to hers.

"Bettina, you asked me if there is something you should know and I have been evading this question like a coward for a while now. But I don't want to lie to you: It's Kay.  
I am having an affair with him.  
I don't know how it happened and why it happened. You know I love you."

"Then you'd never have fucked him." Bettina looked shocked, trying to grasp what Marc was saying. She felt like the ground was opening below her when Marc didn't correct her crude statement, didn't say it wasn't true, when he simply carried on speaking.

"Ever since he has been hospitalized I realize that I cannot hide it or end it or pretend that he doesn't matter to me. I am very sorry"

Bettina took a few breaths "What exactly do you want me to say?  
The last months you have been sneaking around, acting strange, lying..  
all those night shifts? Did you work in any of them ?" Her voice raised more and more.  
"And then these last couple of days you…" she took a harsh breath. "You have been a ghost Marc,  
you have barely been sleeping and during the day you are not seeing, not hearing, not speaking anything, you showed some interest in your son, but mostly you were on a different planet."

"I don't want to loose the two of you. I love our son. I care for him. Bettina, please"

"Are you gay?"

Marc shrugged slightly, but replied "No, I'm not gay."

Bettina looked away for a moment trying to gather her thoughts - any thought.

"Marc … what do you want?"

Marc looked helplessly around.  
"Do you want that guy? If you're not gay… what are you then, Marc ?" she barely whispered.

He didn't reply so she shouted " What are you then?".  
The anguish on her face, the breaking voice, all of this was killing Marc but he didn't know how to spare her this pain.

"Bettina I don't want to hurt you and the baby … but I want to check on him, visit him in the hospital without sneaking around… I am so sorry that I hurt you."

"I don't want to listen to this. I will go to Frank and Claudia for a while." Bettina got up and quickly grabbed a few items in a bag. While Marc stayed in the living room. He felt drained.

A few minutes later Bettina appeared with Sebastian in the door." I will drop him off at your parents tomorrow. We were supposed to have cake and coffee at 3. I will pick him up again at 5. You can explain this to your parents. "

"Bettina" Marc got up from the couch.

"Don't Marc. Please." She left the house shaking.


	9. no roses

Chapter 9 - no roses

Marcs was alone again and feeling a rollercoaster of emotions. He felt guilty and distress for the pain he had put Bettina through, a sense of foreboding how the visit to his parents' home may turn out, tired from the impossibly long week, worried and at the same time hopeful for Kays recovery and between all of those things he felt a bit of pride which he really didn't understand. Leaving the lies behind had to have a positive side. Hopefully it would be noticeable soon. Marc considered having a couple of beers and spend time with his thought but then decided to make himself busy in the house for a while and go to bed early.

He got up around eight in the morning, put on his running clothes and drove to the woods. He ran his normal distance, imagining Kay by his side. Remembering good and bad runs and lots of small funny and loving moments. To the end of his run he started wondering if Kay would be able to join him next weekend… Marc was missing him, missing their carefree moments, their runs. "Funny" Marc thought to himself, before meeting Kay he surely would never have imagined saying that he was missing a run. Then again, Kay had turned so many things in his life upside down that his view on running seemed negligible in comparison.

On the short drive back home plans for the day were completely occupying Marcs mind. The visiting hours in the hospital were very limited and ending at 5 on Sundays, so visiting Kay after the time with Sebastian was not an option. Marc knew he needed to arrive at his parents at least an hour before Bettina in order to explain the situation. He didn't look forward to it but felt it important so that the 2 hours with his son would not be wasted uselessly discussing what his weekend should be like according to his mothers' perspective. So Marc hurried through shower and breakfast and arrived at the hospital before 11.

When he walked past the cafe and shop on the ground floor of the hospital, he wondered shortly if he should bring flowers or chocolate or anything up the room but quickly discarded it as a silly and potentially dangerous. What if any of the colleagues found their way to the room?

Marc went up to Kay's floor, when he opened the door a nurse was at his side.

"Good morning mam, Is it ok if I come inside? Or am I interrupting ? Marc asked.

The nurse looked up and shook her head "Oh no, come on inside, the young man is still not waking up. Maybe having someone here makes him rise."

Mark looked a bit disappointed at the nurses comment on Kays status "Excuse me, but is it a bad sign that he's still sleep ?"  
"I wouldn't worry about it. Everybody metabolizes the medicine differently, and as long as all his vitals are fine he will wake up sooner or later. He's not a critical case, he's breathing very well has a strong heart and the whole ordeal just lasted a few days. Speak with him, maybe hold his hand, if you have books or music he likes… anything that feels comfortable and familiar can be nice." She smiled at him as she left the room and closed the door.

Marc took his seat again on Kays left side and started touching his hand and arm. After a few minutes he started talking about meeting Jenny and Tom, the demonstration in Stuttgart and anything that came to his mind. He hoped that his voice would be a decent comfortable and soothing. When the church bells could be heard through the windows at noon, an idea came to Marcs mind.

"Kay, you hear the bells ringing? maybe it's time to kiss sleeping beauty awake? Do I need to proof myself as a qualified prince?" Marc was smiling at his own silliness as he leaned down above Kays head. "please wake up". He kissed Kay chastely on the lips and could not believe his eyes when Kays eye lid twitched.

As he sat back down on the chair and grabbed Kays hand again as two fingers also moved. Marc stared disbelievingly. Was Kay finally waking up ?

In the next few minutes he saw another twitching eyelid and he felt the blondes thumb press into his hand. When nothing else happened after that Marc became a bit restless and decided to go to the nurses' desk. He found the older nurse that had spoken to him before. He tried to describe what had happened and asked if this means he would wake up now.

"You know, the twitching is a normal stage. It may come and go for another couple of hours. It shows that the medication level in his blood is very low now. If we're lucky he wakes up 5 minutes from now. But it may be 3 hours or even 12. These things are hard to predict." Marc sighed. "Nah, now don't look so sad. Your friend will be alright. Tomorrow or latest by Tuesday you'll be able to speak with him. I'm sure."

"Okay. Thank you for explaining this to me."

"You're welcome."

Marc went back into Kays room. He held his hand for a little bit longer, hoping for movements and opening eyes but accepted that it was likely that nothing would happen now. "Kay, I will go now to my parents' house, let's hope they will not want to preach too much. I think my mother's opinion on all of this is already clear. I will tell you about it tomorrow. Please wake up." He placed another quick kiss, this time on the forehead, before leaving the room.

As it was to be expected, the talk with his parents did not go over well. Marc had explained to them that he spoke with Bettina about the affair he was having with Kay and that she moved out for some time to think. He clearly said that neither he nor she had any plans for the future yet, but that he wanted to stay supporting and caring for his son no matter what.

"Marc, you are destroying everything you have built for yourself. Everything we have helped you achieve for … for that man. I cannot understand or accept this. Sebastian needs to grow up in orderly, beneficial surroundings. How can you do this to Bettina to him ?" His mother was beyond upset and making him feel more and more guilty.

"Mama, I know you don't understand this. Hell, I don't even understand it myself. But "this man", Kay, he means a lot to me. He cares for me and when I pretend that he is not important… when I can't see him for a few days… I feel horrible, lifeless. I feel like I can't breathe."

The silence that followed was interrupted by the doorbell. Marc got up to the door quickly. Bettina looked like she didn't get any sleep and had cried a lot since last night. It hurt Marc to see her like this. Instinctively he wanted to hug her but stopped himself abruptly when he felt Bettina recoil from him. "Everything you need is in this bag. I will come and pick him up here in 2 hours. It would be good if you could give him a bath. Claudia couldn't find the baby bath in their basement." She placed the maxi cosi with Sebastian at Marcs feet.

There were hundreds of things running through his head. He wanted to say something to make her feel better but came up empty at her ice-cold face.

"Okay. Thank you Bettina" he tried.

"I will be back at five. Goodbye Marc". She walked away without hesitation or turning around.

Marc took the bag and Sebastian directly home and spend a good while hugging him to his chest and carrying him around. He felt warm and comforting, the rocking calming to both of them. Finally, he bathed the baby, dressed it carefully and brought him back over to his parents a few minutes before Bettina wanted to pick him up. When he entered his parents' home the silence was maddening, but in a way he preferred it to having any further fights.

Moday morning started with too much paperwork as Eiden asked Marc to document the strategy for operations plan of the demonstrations that he had been part of. "I want you to present this thursday in the morning meeting just before we make the operations plan for our engagement in the Stuttgart game. Maybe some elements can be copied for our strategy, and even if not, an educational example can never hurt." Two hours after that talk Marc wasn't sure anymore if it was a chance or an imposition, but it looked like he was getting the small presentation done before lunch.

He went up to the cafeteria to grab another coffee when Keller and Meier, the colleagues investigating what had happened to Kay showed up and asked him to follow them into a separate office.

"Colleague Borgmann, I am sure you can already guess why we brought you back here for further questions, can't you?" Keller asked without any emotions.

"Honestly I am a bit surprised, I thought my statement about how I found Engel was complete. And as far as I am informed he should be available for questioning today." Marc tried his best for nonchalance.

"I see, you have not been updated then. Colleague Engel is back on the operating table after his brain blood pressure levels rose to critical levels this morning. He is in surgery right now and they are trying to prevent brain damage. We don't want to paint a too solemn picture or conjure up ghosts, but the department head is worried it may turn out to be an assault with fatal consequences and given Engels special preferences a hate crime specifically.

During our interviews and research of Engel's background we found that the two of you are having a history of fights which we will need to question you about."


	10. nothing solid

AN: I know it's a long and upsetting trip so far, but I promise good things are on the way for our lovers.

* * *

Chapter 10 – nothing solid

Marcs heart was racing, he was felt like there was no air in the room.

Operating table.  
Critical.  
Surgery.  
Brain damage.  
Kay may die.  
It was too much. It couldn't be happening. Marc couldn't breathe. His whole body was going into shock reaction and there was nothing he could do. He started shaking and sweating and managed to get up and over to a dustbin just seconds before he lost his breakfast.

"Borgmann? Everything okay?" Officer Meier asked.

Marc looked up from the dustbin. Pale, sweaty and miserable.

"There's a bathroom just next door. Maybe you take 5 minutes." he suggested.

Marc barely mumbled a "thank you" before he went out and into the washroom. When he closed the door of the stall, the tears started flowing freely, overpowering him. He felt like he was falling, like there was no solid ground remaining below him. After a few minutes, he felt drained but able to face the world again. Washing his face and rinsing his mouth, he tried to make himself feel better and more presentable but looking in the mirror confirmed that he looked completely fucked up. He tried to put his indifferent mask in place - it was only partially working. He had no idea how long he had kept Meier and Keller waiting, but postponing his statement any longer would definitely not be a good thing.

In the meantime in office room:

"What the hell was that? Guilt and panic? Maybe your theory about Borgmann wasn't so wrong after all." Officer Meier looked a bit confused in direction of his colleague who seemed just as surprised.

"Let's try to get his statement now and interview Limpinski in the afternoon. We just need to make sure they don't have lunch together to align stories. It's still possible both of them are involved. Or maybe all of this is completely useless and it was someone from outside." Officer Keller got up. "I will get some coffee; can you make sure room "Int2" is available and blocked for us? Maybe doing these interviews in our office is not that suitable".

When Marc left the washroom officer Keller was already standing in the hallway. He showed him to a small interrogation room where Meier and three cups of coffee were waiting.

"Borgmann, first of all I have to ask if you feel capable to give your statement or if you require medical assistance?"

"No, I am fine. And you don't need to repeat my rights and that all what I say will be documented, I am aware of the legislation and signed this already when I give my statement 8 days ago." The officers nodded at him.

"Very well. So, as we already said before: we came across some fights between officer Engel and yourself throughout the last months and would like to get your statement on those. Also we'd like to clarify what happened between Saturday, where multiple colleagues of the unit met him at your private home and Sunday morning when you found him and called the ambulance." Keller explained.

"So starting from the weekend, could you please explain what happened on Saturday, where you were and specifically give details on when and where you had contact with Kay Engel."

Marc took a deep breath; he knew his reaction to Kay's state made him look guilty, like an offender, so he needed to clarify the situation as calmly as possible. "We were celebrating the birth of my son Sebastian that day. My parents, my girlfriend Bettina, and our friends Frank and Claudia Richter, organized a party in the backyard of our house. In the morning, the guys went shopping and setting up tables and benches… things like this and the women were inside baking, cooking and taking care of the kids. Around 2 PM friends and some colleagues of the unit arrived. Gregor, Britt, Lukas, Julia, some other friends of the family. I can forward you the list if required. "

"Was Kay Engel amongst the colleagues arriving at 2?" Meier asked for the protocol.

"No, he showed up later, maybe around three. Bettina had invited him."

"Was there anything special about Engels' visit? Did he spend time with the other unit members or did he get into any problems? Did you speak with him?" Meier asked opening on his laptop the statements from various party guests that Engel had left very suddenly and in a bad mood after a talk or possibly an argument inside the house.

"I didn't speak with him in the backyard, but had a short conversation in the living room. My parents where speaking with him, I am not sure for how long before I came by. My Mother was upset and I felt it best if he would leave. So I told Kay that and he left the party directly."

"Do you know what your parents were discussing with Mr. Engel or why your mother was upset?" Marc breathed in deeply trying to control his rapidly beating heart.

"They were upset because they do not like that Kay Engel and me are having an affair. My mother found out a few weeks before and told my father. They were requesting Kay to leave me alone while Kay was trying to explain to them what he feels for me." Marc looked up at his two colleagues on the other side of the table and was not surprised to find a mix of confusion and astonishment on their faces. He knew for sure that this was not they had expected to hear from him.

"Could you please give us more information regarding the relationship between you and Kay Engel? Until now it was our understanding from what you and the members of your unit said that you were merely work colleagues that irregularly went running together."

"The unit doesn't know what is going on between Engel and me. Bettina probably told Frank Richter in the last two days, but otherwise no one is aware. And noone of the guests was aware at this party, only my parents.  
Kay and me, we got to know each other at the academy at the start of the course. Without my knowledge, he asked to be transferred to Ludwigsburg. He ended up in my unit. The first few days I was stressed by his presence and aggressive towards him. That's the small fights or provocations that other unit members may have reported from about 5 months ago. Our affair started about one week after he arrived. On the night he was attacked, I had told Bettina that I was having a night shift. Actually, I was waiting in his apartment from about 8:45 until the early morning to speak with him."

"So my strong reaction to the news that Kay is back in surgery, is not because I did anything to him that night but simply because he is very important to me and I am shocked." Marc explained.

"Colleague Borgmann, is there any evidence of your relationship with Engel, any kind of proof? Can anyone confirm that you spend the night in his apartment? You must understand that what you have told us has to be verified." Meier still appeared disbelieving.

"Kay gave me the backup key to his apartment. It is in my locker, blue plastic tag with the apartment number attached. I am sure you will find my DNA in his apartment. I don't think Kay has any pictures of me. I definitely don't have pictures. There is lots of messages and calls but nothing that gives away the type of relationship we are having."

"Borgmann, you know very well that it takes a long while to get warrants to check phone records or private apartments. Is there anything else that we can verify more easily?" Meier seemed appalled by the idea to go through the paperwork to get the phone records."

"What about proof that you were in the apartment? You must know that an affair may be an even stronger motivation for a violent physical fight and you have to admit that waiting for a whole night to have a conversation and then finding him early morning in an unlighted part of the city park is … "Meier struggled to find a suitable word" .. let's say it's unusual."

Marc tried to think about anything that may proof the truth. How do you proof something that you tried to keep untraceable for months ? They didn't go out together to the mall or have a couple fotoshooting like Lukas and Simone. ..that's when it came to mind -cameras! the party!

"Engel and me, were at the Kings- Club in Stuttgart, 4 weeks before the raid. They take pictures there all night and put them online. I didn't check but maybe we are in some of the pics. Other than that, the hospital security feed of Marienhospital the 3rd floor registration area should have recorded us. After the fight between Limpinski and him I had my nose checked out and he came there to check on me after the end of the shift." Marc waited for the colleagues to finish noting down what he was saying before he continued, "For the night of the attack, I didn't tell anyone where I was but the gas station opposite the entry to Kays apartment block may have recorded my arriving and leaving."

They asked him a few more questions about Kay before they let him go back to his shift.

* * *

Back in front of his computer Marc felt paralyzed, Kay was in surgery and he just spend 2 hours explaining their relationship and that awful Saturday to Keller and Meier. The whole unit would know soon, it was only a matter of time.

At the end of his shift Frank showed up next to and grabbed his arm. "We should go and have a beer, right now".

Marc just looked up at his friends face "Not interessted".

Frank had expected that Marc would not follow easily "We should definitely have a beer." He tried once more "I have news about my cousin" he looked at Marc trying to convey a topic without saying anything in front of their colleagues. After a few seconds Marc seemed to catch on. "yeah, of course. Lead the way".

They had just ordered their first drink when Frank started speaking in a soft voice "I heard that Kay had another operation and well, when I saw you this afternoon, shit there was no doubt that what Bettina said was true. You really care for him."

"Yep." Marc took a sip of the beer that was placed down in front of him "So much that I threw up in Keller's office when they told me."

"I heard about that…. Listen, I don't understand what is going on and I am not even sure how much I want to know or… yeah… But you are my friend I can be there for you." Frank looked at the side of Marcs face for a moment. "I think you need to know that he is stable again. They keep him in intensive care for now. Room 503. No visiting hours except for direct family."

Marc looked at him surprised "Yeah, don't thank me. Thank Kays cousin Robert. He just arrived home from vacation. He was contacted by the police and is very worried for Kay. He will call the hospital again tomorrow." Frank tilted his head a bit to the side.

"Thank you Robert."

They sat together for another beer, not speaking much, but Franks quiet support felt wonderful.


	11. new friends

Chapter 11 – new friends

Marc woke up in the early morning and went directly to the hospital. He sneaked into Kays room and managed to spend some time holding his hand and giving support before he had to sneak out for his shift. It became his routine for the next days. On Thursday morning he was surprised to find a post-it on the blanket below Kays hand. It read "hand over of shift 6:15 AM. Easier to get out."  
So he hadn't been as sneaky as he had hoped. There was no signature or way to contact the author but whoever it was, apparently they were okay with him being there. He sighed. The last thing he needed would be to be banned from Kays side. He took the recommendation seriously and left earlier than the days before.

In the afternoon Marc presented the operation strategy from Stuttgart to the 3 units that would support the soccer game in Stuttgart the next day. For all the excitement of giving the presentation, he still found his mind going back to a certain boy with 4 bodyguards and a blonde man in the hospital who he desperately needed to talk to.

As the meeting finished Marc was hurrying to his car. Bettina had called and said that she and Sebastian would be home tonight and he couldn't wait to see his son.

"Borgmann" officer Keller stopped him in the parking lot. "Just a second Marc."

"What's going on?" Marc asked, a bit worried to be asked back for further questions.

"I just wanted to tell you, that we were able to verify your story. There is even video proof that you were in the apartment building during the time period in question."

Marc sighed in relief.

"I knew it would take some load of you to hear this. Well, and I have this" he handed Marc a small envelope.

"It's a still from the hospital surveillance. You said you don't have pictures… and.. well… I know it's none of my business but I thought that you may like to have it."

Marc opened the envelope and found a print out of the moment Kay kissed him. The actual kiss in the hospital hallway. The one he had wanted and barely dared to ask for after telling Kay to go. It was simple, beautiful and raw. And another moment he asked Kay to leave. He was such an idiot. A tear ran down his cheek. Marc noticed and directly tried to pull himself together. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Good night!" Keller said before turning around to his car.

Marc spend the evening with his son and agreed with Bettina that she would move back into the house for now to test if living together was still possible for them. He immediately offered to sleep on the couch, which irritated Bettina for a moment, but she accepted it.  
When Sebastian woke up crying at 3 AM Marc was already awake. He gave Sebastian the bottle, carried him around and finally changed his diaper and put him back to sleep. "I love you little man". He whispered before he left the room and the house.

Back at Kays side he put the envelope received from Keller on the small wagon/ table combination that was standing to the right side of the bed. He spoke to Kay about the developments at home and asked him to please finally wake up in low voices.

Work was focused preparation for the soccer match starting 6 PM in Stuttgart. All three units were deployed in the early afternoon and Marc send a text to Jenny asking if she and her unit were involved in managing the game.

The separation of the arriving fans was working easily. The atmosphere was that of a playful rivalry but not aggressive. When Marc took a short break to smoke behind the team vans he was wven having time to analyze with Frank the chances of Stuttgart winning the game. They were supposed to stay positioned in the entry area for the Stuttgart fans and the neighboring parking and would probably not even catch a glimpse of the game. So far this appeared to be the only negative thing of the operation.

"Ludwigsburg, come finish your break the next tram with fans will arrive in 5 minutes". A familiar redhead shouted when she was approaching the unofficial "break area". Marc had to smile.

"Hey Jenny, today there's three complete units from Ludwigsburg, you should be more specific than "Ludwigsburg"." he winked at her "This is my colleague and friend Frank. Frank this is Jenny"

"Nice to meet you." They shook hands.

"So Marc, we are located at the second exit but inside the stadium. I gotta go. Be safe and let's see later if we can manage a dinner or something." Jenny was making a "Come on move" gesture at the guys while walking over to her unit.

"New friend?" Frank asked as they put on their helmets and went back to the entrance.

"Yeah" was all Marc offered.

The next hours they confiscated pyrotechnics, knifes and took bottles of hard alcohol from groups of young fans that had obviously started the partying early. The fans of the other team had also remained relatively calm and everything was going well. At half time the fans were discussing the 1:1, singing loudly but mostly on their best behavior. It appeared to be easygoing. All of that changed within minutes in the half time break when the units were informed that a weather warning had just been released and that depending on how strong the rain and storm would become a cancellation of the game may happen, which may mean an evacuation of the stadium in pouring rain.

After a few minutes, the game resumed as expected and a bit of rain started. A change of wind could be felt but seemed bearable for now. 10 minutes later, however it was pouring in extreme amounts and a few strong gusts of wind started moving the trees in the parking area dangerously.

The game was interrupted to assure the players safety and to check the developments. The first groups of fans left the stadium hurrying to the arriving trams. The remaining fans got more drunk, singing and shouting for resuming the game, even if the rain was not decreasing much. After half an hour the decision to cancel the game and the request for everyone to leave the stadium was shared via loudspeaker. Marc and the rest of his unit was just happy that they didn't plan to resume the game – no one needed overtime hours while wet and freezing. Most fans were leaving the stadium on their own and without making a fuss, although the mood was not a happy one. Unfortunately, like always, there were a few people too aggressive or too drunk to simply follow the instruction to please leave the stadium. So Franks unit had to go inside and "accompany" them outside. It took too much energy and nerves from everyone but luckily, no one was attacked or had to interfere in a brawl. They were gathering in the team vans to drive back to Ludwigsburg about an hour after the cancellation.  
Marc was just crossing the parking lot to the vehicle when the wind picked up strongly again. He saw the branch of the oak tree being thrown his way but there was no way to evade it. Marcs pulse skyrocketed. He closed his eyes just before the branch hit him. He lost consciousness seeing Kays face looking down on him. Loving him.

"Shit.. Marc ?!" Frank was the first at his side. "Marc, can you hear me ?" he was shaking Marcs shoulder and trying to get a reaction.

"I'm okay. I think the gear saved me." Marc said sitting up slowly after a few moments.

"Should we call an ambulance?" Britt was at his other side helping him up. They made it to the van and Marc convinced them to bring him to Marienhospital in Ludwigsburg to get a check-up there.


	12. Where do you want to go

AN: this chapter features Enno Bungers "Bucketliste", go check it out. Especially if you have an intermediate or up knowledge of german! I have tried to translate the lyrics as well as possible. If you have ideas for improvement or are not sure about the lyrics meaning – leave a comment and I'll reply.

The phone technology described in the chapter is a bit more modern than the films', I hope that noone takes offence.

* * *

Chap 12 – where do you want to go

Frank accompanied Marc to the registration at Marienhospital and waited for him to be cleared and send home. He was a bit confused when he got called into the doctors office less than half an hour later instead.

"Mr. Richter, please sit down. Your colleague has a concussion, and some pain in the neck area. The MRI is not showing anything to have us worried. He was lucky to have been in full safety gear when the impact happened. The reason he is not here right now is that after the MRI he was complaining of dizziness and visual problems. We have decided to keep him for monitoring for the night. He has requested that I inform you of his condition. It would be good if you could pick him up tomorrow afternoon or help to arrange a pick up. I don't think he can operate a phone right now. Information on the exact times, his room number etc. you can get at the nurses station on the 4th floor. When you exit the elevator, it's directly to your right. If there is any paperwork to be filled out because this happened on duty, please also inform the nurses."

"I will. Thank you". Frank left the room and went directly to the nurses' station. It turned out that visiting and release times for Saturday were not fitting with his shift, but he was able to arrange an early morning visit with the staff. When he entered room 414 he had to laugh at his friend. Marc was wearing a neck brace and his forehead showed the loveliest red-and blue budding stages of bruises. Marc had his eyes closed but opened them at the laughter.

"Thank you for the empathy man."

"Ahh, come on Marc, don't be like that. You know the neck brace and the bruises suit you." Frank approached his bedside. "Are you in pain?"

"The pain is manageable. Just turning my head is a bitch – that's why they put the decoration" Marc gestured to his neck brace. "And I keep seeing little stars or something slurred, which is making me dizzy. They say it should be over after a good nights' sleep… hopefully they are right."

Frank spend a little more time with him, before he called Claudia to pick him up. He promised his friend to inform Bettina about what happened and to bring some clothes for the night. He told him also about the deal with the nurses to come check on him before start of his shift and the official visiting hours. Frank was almost at the door, when Marc managed to ask "any news on him ?" Frank hadn't called today but promised to bring the latest news together with the clothes in less than an hour.

Later he helped Marc with his neck brace to get into a light sweater and he tried to find comforting words. There were no news on Kay's state, even though the surgery had been a success and all vitals were stable and good. It was frustrating and worrying no matter how optimistic the staff remained.

Without any energy left Marc fell asleep at nine after finally finding a comfortable position with his brace. Again he dreamed of Kay, of all the funny and loving moments, of all the good they had shared. He woke up in the middle of the night feeling lonely. The silence of the hospital floor at night was maddening after a few minutes. He remembered that Kay had send him some links to music videos a few weeks ago, he had never checked them out. Taking his phone he went to search for links. He randomly picked one of them and played it on low volume:

_What do you still want to do? What do you still want to see?_  
_What do you want to move?_  
_Where do you want to go?_  
_What are you grateful for? What did you already achieve ?_  
_Was it difficult for you or can you maybe do much more?_

_Can you say "this was a nice life" at its end?_  
_"I got enough and gave everything"_  
_Until then, I will not wait any longer;_  
_Starting today actions will suit (my words)_

_I'm not putting anything on my bucket list anymore_  
_I'll get going before everything is over_  
_In the end, I look back on my life happily_  
_wanting everything again, every single step_  
_I'm not putting anything on my bucket list anymore_  
_I'll get going before everything is over_  
_In the end, I look back on my life happily_  
_wanting everything again, every single step_

_Who should live your life? Who should decide for you?_  
_Sing your songs? Write your story?_  
_Do you do what you like?_  
_Who and how do you want to be?_  
_What would be the best day? When is the best time?_  
_Can you say "this was a nice life" at its end?_  
_"I got enough and gave everything"_  
_When do you start and fulfill your biggest dreams?_  
_Why not today?_

_I'm not putting anything on my bucket list anymore_  
_I'll get going before everything is over_

_In the end, I look back on my life happily_  
_wanting everything again, every single step_  
_I'm not putting anything on my bucket list anymore_  
_I'll get going before everything is over_  
_In the end, I look back on my life happily_  
_wanting everything again, every single step_

_It is not important where you are coming from but where you want to go._  
_And that you get up at least one time more than you fall down;_  
_No shitty compromises any more,_  
_no doing things half-assed,_  
_the things you really want to do, you have to do all of the_m

_I'm not putting anything_  
_I'm not putting anything_  
_I'm not putting anything on my bucket list anymore_  
_I'll get going before everything is over_

_In the end, I look back on my life happily_  
_wanting everything again, every single step_  
_I'm not putting anything on my bucket list anymore_  
_I'll get going before everything is over_  
_In the end, I look back on my life happily_  
_every single step,_  
_every single step,_  
_every single step_

I'm not putting anything on my bucket list anymore  
I'll get going before everything is over

In the end, I look back on my life happily  
wanting everything exactly the same again, every single step"

Marc felt it a weird coincidence that he'd pick a song like that. Maybe this was fate. Maybe this was Kay giving him a push. He knew what he wanted. Where he wanted to go. He wanted to be with Kay. It was scary and for sure it wouldn't be easy. But it felt like he needed to do it to be happy. Going back to the white-picket-fence life his parents wanted for him would be impossible. He loved Bettina, but he wasn't in love with her any more. He didn't feel capable of making her happy. Staying with her for the families' sake or for the picture of a normal life would not be fair to her or him or Sebastian. He wanted to be a good father, help him grow up and learn the world. But he wouldn't be able to do it while playing "normal family" and yearning for something else. He would take a few steps right now, he just needed a pen and some sneaking.

A few minutes later Marc was at Kays side again. He knew that there was a high probability that he wouldn't be there when Kay woke up, but he needed to apologize and to communicate the most important thing. So he wrote a few words below the print out and clearly labeled the envelop "Kay" before he placed it within arm's reach onto the table next to the bed. Marc didn't feel like talking so he just held and caressed Kays hand. They had about one hour before the shift change. He would make good use of it.


	13. Everything will be alright Pt1

Chap 13 - Everything will be alright – Pt1

Mara was not having the greatest morning. She hated shift changes, especially going from night shifts to dayshifts on a weekend. Why was the worker's council trying to "protect her" from continuously working night shifts? She loved the nights.  
But it was useless, it was part of the job so she decided to not make herself more miserable by contemplating rotating shift for the whole duration of one. Coffee helped. Coffee was a friend.  
A short trip to the sweets stack and the coffee machine in the kitchen was needed to give her shift a better start.

It was less than an hour into her shift when the EKG of patient Engel showed a bit of unusual movements. She decided to check up on him, wondering if the boyfriend was still sneaking in every night.  
Cute as that may be, he definitely needed sleep, he had looked like a Zombie the last time she saw him.

When she entered the room of patient Engel, it turned out that she didn't need to wonder any more. The boyfriend was asleep on the patients arm. But even more surprisingly the patient was awake.  
He looked at her directly throwing a conspiratorial smile before making the "psst"-gesture with his free hand. Mara couldn't believe it. He was awake, oriented, and best of all not looking scared or confused but caring for his Romeo. She nodded at the patient and returned with a small cup of water a few moments later.  
She placed it into his hand and whispered, "I get that you want to give him some rest but we need to check that you are alright."

"I know, I know, but…30 minutes?" he made puppy dog eyes at her.

She contemplated for a few seconds then sighed "You seem stable, so okay, deal". 

* * *

When Kay woke up he felt tired and completely out of place. His head was hurting and he couldn't move his left arm.  
When he looked at it and saw Marc sleeping on it, he couldn't believe his eyes.  
He must have fallen asleep waiting for him to wake up.  
Kay smiled widely.

His mouth and throat felt dry but looking around he couldn't find any water around his bed. That probably meant that he had been out for a longer while. Scratching his chin, the stubble indicated more than a week. A week ? What a mess. Looking around once more he clearly saw that he was in an intermediate or intensive care unit and that there was no personal or helpful items except for an envelope with his name. He reached for it carefully and couldn't believe his eyes.  
Inside was a print out of a security cam still.  
Him and Marc.  
Below it, Marc had written in his uncopyable scrawl "I am stupid. This is not a one-off. This is love."

Kay felt moved and couldn't help but loose a tear over the gesture.  
He didn't know what to think or to expect, but for the first time in a long while he felt hopeful about the relationship.

He had just packed the print back into the envelope when a nurse opened the door. He made a deal with her for a little bit of private time and went back to looking at Marc. Something had happened to him in the days he was recovering or... whatever.  
He was wearing a neck brace and the part of his face that he could make out was heavily bruised. Had he been attacked? Or in a car accident maybe? He would need to ask him later. For now he just enjoyed looking to him. Marc was here at his side. That's what mattered. That and the note.

Had he realized how hurtful his words had been? Had Marc discussed their situation with anyone that pushed him in the right direction? How did he get the printout? Did he tell Bettina? Lots of questions came to his mind, asking for his attention. But Kay stayed calm. He could think, worry or discuss all of these thoughts later; they didn't matter right now.

He moved his free hand on top of Marcs head and began to move the fingers softly through the hair. Then to the ear and across the cheek. Marcs eyelids started twitching but he wasn't waking up yet. So Kay played with the hair for another moment, before moving his fingers back to the side of the face.

"Hey, sleepyhead, can you wake up for me?" he whispered.

Marc looked up slowly and sleepily at this face. "Hey" was all he managed to get out. He wasn't awake yet.  
A few seconds passed before Marc moved his head a bit more suddenly. "Kay?" he said surprised "You are awake?!".Marc raised his head and turned to him.

"Yes, seems that way. Good morning." Kay enjoyed looking into Marcs eyes for a few seconds before the latter one started crying. He got up from his chair and leaned down over Kays face.  
Pressing a kiss to Kays forehead he mumbled "two weeks. Two long fucking weeks …" Moving away a little bit he just stared at Kays eyes trying to convey how much he had missed him, how difficult it had been, how happy he was now.

Kay wanted to hug Marc, he looked so tired and lost, so raw. But when he tried to move more than his arm, cables and tubes were moving and pulling on him. He grabbed the control and lifted the upper part of the bed and his hand reached out the Marcs side of the face, his thumb the cheekbone, brushing away a tear.

"Everything will be alright."


	14. Everything will be alright Pt2

Chapter 14 - everything will be alright pt2

Frank was staring a little bit lost at an empty bed in the room where Marc should be. He had told him that he'd come by before his shift in the morning. The idea was to see if his state had improved and to discuss options for pick up. Marc wasn't in the bathroom, so it seemed likely that he was out smoking. For fucks sake, how could that guy smoke before breakfast ?  
He himself had been smoking until not too long ago, but he never came close to his friend's consumption. Sighing Frank returned to the nurses' desk asking if they had seen Marc. No one seemed to remember the brunette leaving his room after shift change. So he asked for the closest smoking area. It turned out that there were three smoking balconies other than the backside garden. Frank checked the first two before a sign to the ICU caught his attention. Maybe he was checking on Kay?

Frank went up to the ICU and when he didn't see a nurse, directly to Kays door.  
"hey!" a young nurse whisper –shouted at him as she left the neighboring room.

"Sorry, good morning miss. I am Frank Richter, Police Ludwigsburg. I am looking for Marc Borgmann."

"This is the room of patient Kay Engel."

"I am aware, but…"Frank tried to explain, but got cut off by the nurs.e

"Oh, so the Romeo is called Marc? Yeah, he's in there. But I promised 10 more minutes of privacy."

"Romeo?" Frank was confused for a moment before it dawned on him.  
"I'd really like to get to my shift on time, if it's not okay to go inside, can you maybe get him for me?  
Please?  
I am already searching since 15 minutes." He looked at her friendly and a bit helpless.

"Ohhh-kay, but if Mr. Engel is annoyed, I will tell him it was on your insistence."

"Engel is awake?" The nurse nodded, "since less than an hour" she added.

"That's good. Can we now please..?"

"Yes", she opened the door and went inside a bit in front of him. When they were able to make out the bed Frank felt uncomfortable instantly. Marc was crying and looking vulnerable and content at the same time. He was starring at Kay with more emotions than he had ever seen on his friends face. Kay was holding Marcs gaze and softly touching him. It was an extremely intimate scene, one he had never seen between two men.

"Everything will be alright." Kay said.

Frank felt like an intruder and would have loved to silently disappear but the nurse had a different idea:

"m-hm" she cleared her throat noisily and instantly had everyones attention." I am sorry to interrupt, but this friendly police officer wants to speak to you. And Mr Engel, I think it would be good if we could start detaching you from some of these monitors and tube, check everything is good. Also a doctor will come by shortly and we don't want to raise discussions about visiting hours and the meaning of immediate family, do we?" Mara was staring pointedly at the couple.

"Okay, let's get me ready for the doc." Kay was the first to answer. He nodded to Marc. "go. I will see you later" Marc was already at the door when Frank said "ehm… good to see you awake Engel" and followed him.

* * *

"Marc, I really gotta go to my shift. Can you tell me if you are feeling better? Anything you need me to organize?" Frank was looking straight ahead at the hallway as they walked to the elevator.

"I'm feeling better and the dizziness is gone. I think they will release me later." Marc felt the awkwardness and a bit of annoyance of his friend very clearly. He tried not to mirror the annoyance.

"Will you call your parents to pick you up, or…" he wanted to say Bettinas name but it got stuck in his throat.  
" uhm, is there any other option ?"

Marc shook his head." Not my parents, but I know you will have your shift at the station so… I'll get a taxi or something.  
Shouldn't be too expensive from here." He wanted to end the discomfort between them and tried to offer his friend a way out of getting even more involved.

When the elevator closed and Frank didn't even know where to look, Marc gave a dry laugh and scratched his nose. "hhh, that must have been pretty weird for you to see."

Frank joined with a noise between a laugh and a cough "yeah, weird is a good description." He looked at Marc and laughed again.  
The awkwardness was broken. He thought about something friendly and explanatory to say, something like "I've just have seen two guys like this" or that the abstract idea of "my best friend has feelings for a guy and they have sex" suddenly became very real when he walked into their private moment, or that he felt sad for Bettina and Marc as a couple. They had been such a loving, fun and great team.  
In the end, when they were standing in Marc's room all he said was "I'll pick you up after the shift. I don't think you mind a few extra hours here". When he looked at his friend and saw a smile he knew he had said the right thing.

* * *

Mara had detached Kay from all cables and tubes and tried to playfull get him to agree to the washing procedure. "Kay, I hear you. I understand that you feel like you can get up and over to the shower and do everything yourself. But no doctor cleared you yet, you have not moved on your own for two weeks… your coordination, strength, blood pressure …there are so many things that may be a good reason to not be standing or moving unsupervised. If you do not want me to wash you in the bed, than our only option is the wheelchair. I don't claim that it's glamorous or a spa treatment. But you have to pick one of these options."

"okay, wheelchair then" Kay agreed unhappy. "If it's such a bad thing to not move for a long time… why did you let me sleep that long anyways?"

"A doctor will discuss this in detail with you. I don't know your full case" Mara tried to evade the question.  
"Bullshit. I am not asking for perfect medical terms, I just want an idea of what happened. Please Mara, just give me some info"

"The doctor's didn't let you sleep this long. They were trying to wake you up after a few days. But first it took you forever to get close to being awake and then suddenly pressure in your brain raised critically and they had to operate again.  
This is also why you are still on Intensive care. Breathing, heartbeat, everything was good enough for normal ward; but they were afraid of your brain pressure situation." Mara tried to finish the final undressing and all washing activities while speaking about "the medical stuff" to make the experience less uncomfortable for the patient.

When she handed him a towel he appeared to be thinking very hard. "how close did I get to waking up?"

"I am not sure but my colleague told me that one of your relatives got very hopeful when your fingers started twitching and that she hated telling him it may be 12 hours."

"I don't have relatives here." Kay looked a bit confused.

"My guess would be that it was Marc. He was sneaking in here and I can't imagine him staying away for long. Petra is a more traditional older lady, she probably couldn't "make sense" of your connection and assumed family." Mara kept the "and if she knew she would probably have said shitty and religious things " to herself. It wasn't relevant.

"But you got it right away because you're so smart?" Kay asked challenging

"How many people you know would try to sneak into a ICU at 4:30 AM just to hold a hand and look at a face ?  
And repeat that on a sleep deficit and crying?  
How many of those would do it for a cousin, or friend ?  
You've got a devoted man, I'd have to be blind not to get it.  
And now come on let's get you dressed in these lovely scrubs, the doctors will be here in a few."  
Kay didn't move, he appeared to be solving a complicated equation in his head.  
"Hey, Kay, Everything okay ?"

"Yeah. Clothes sound great."

"Don't worry about the doctors'. They will check you and most likely tell you in medical terms that everything will be alright. But before that they will tell you all the scary stuff that may happen and what should be done to help you recover fully. Pay attention and ask for a plan for the next days." Mara advised.  
She had managed to get Kay back into the bed just as the doctors arrived in the room.

* * *

Marc was watching a news show on TV when a doctor came to check his status. Apparently the concussion was minor and except for "you need to rest", an explicit order to not do any kinds of sports in the near future and a reminder to avoid computer or screen work for a week, he didn't have much to say. However he requested him to visit physiotherapy for the neck in the next days and to wait in supervision of hospital or relatives at least until the full 24 hours after the accident were over.

The physiotherapist was supposed to come for a primary checkup later and Marc decided to follow doctors' orders and to use the time and get some sleep.


	15. a different world

AN: shout out to Rytchan for leaving reviews and motivating me to continue this story!  
LSVD is the german abbreviatian for the association of Lesbian and gays in germany, the abbreviation is not too famous... go figure ;)

* * *

It was almost noon when Marc woke up once again from a knock on his door "come on in".

"Hi there" Mara said a bit timidly, standing a few steps from Marcs bed. " I wanted to give you a quick update on Kay and give you this" she handed over an A4 paper with a post-it note. "I'm Mara by the way."

"Marc. " He nodded at her "So, how is he doing?"

"They are saying it will be okay to bring him down here on the normal ward in the afternoon. He is right now giving his statement to the police and if everything is fine at the second check up at 2 PM they will bring him down. Any case I would strongly recommend you to fill out this form."

"What's it for?" Marc asked.

"It's a form to release medical personal, especially doctors from medical confidentiality in regards to a non-relative. If both you and Kay sign it, you can get medical information on each other, if need be take a decision, and most importantly visit each other without sneaking." The nurse raised her eyebrows pointedly at the last part.

Marc looked at the post-it "You were watching me, you put that note."  
He looked her directly in the eyes "thank you".  
Mara just nodded.

"Fill out and sign the paper. Hopefully you will never need it after today, but it's good to have it just in case. I gotta go, my break is almost over. Bring it up with you around 2:15, you can accompany him changing the room. See you later."  
Marc smiled as she left the room, having Kay on a normal station and being able to visit him sounded perfect to his ears.

* * *

Kay felt incredibly tired. The doctors had done all sorts of tests before announcing more tests and check-ups. All the while talking medical at him or with each other confusing him and giving him a headache. Apparently, he had been very unlucky and very lucky at the same time. When Gregor attacked him in the park neither his nasal bone nor his zygomatic arch had been broken – although the second punch to his nose surely had felt that way. The problem was that after the kick to the stomach he had lost his balance and when he hit the ground the back of his head had cracked on a sharp edge of a low stone barrier. The impact and the following blood loss had left him uncousicous and the cold night had let to hypothermia. A few hours he had been in critical condition and afterwards an artificial coma. During the wake up phase one of the fixed vessels had ruptured again leaving the pressure in his head rising, which had led to another operation and finally to him waking up. Luckily there appeared to be no brain damage from the attack or the operations etc. that followed.

Those were the facts. But it seemed unreal, it sounded all so strange to him. Limpinskis silly, aggressive hatred almost killed him. He had been left in that park to die from a silly head wound that left nothing but a scar of 7 centimeters on the back of his head. That just couldn't be true. It felt like it happened to somebody else and he just heard about it. He still didn't believe it when he recounted the fight and the medical consequences to officers Keller and Meier.

What surprised him was that they seemed to know about his and Marcs connection and were not asking details where he would have expected them to. Feeling his confusion Officer Keller decided to clarify for him. "Mr Borgmann explained to us that you left the party after a discussion with his parents in regards to the type of relationship you are having with him. He continued on to tell us that he waited in your apartment until early morning. He was going for a run in the park when he found you."

"Marc found me?" Kay was surprised. The doctors were telling him so much details about his state as he arrived at the hospital that he hadn't even thought to ask how or by whom he was found. Shit, if Marc was the one who found him less than a day after he abruptly left the party in front of half of the police station, he had probably been primary suspect. Fucking bad luck. Had he been outed in the course of the investigation to the whole team? Did he tell anyone by his choice? Meier and Keller knew, Frank hadn't looked much surprised, who else knew? Did Marc finally speak with Bettina? So many questions were running through his mind that he didn't hear a word of the reply he had received for his last question.

"Engel, do you need a break? I know there is a lot to process and we can continue this on Monday or.. when you are cleared to leave the hospital."

"No, I want to finish my statement. "

* * *

Marc was excited and a bit nervous when he made his way up to the intensive care. He had spent the last twenty minutes on a call with Bettina. He had also send a text to Jenny informing her of Kays improvement. Now his mind was back to worrying about how to say, to explain all the things that had happened in the last two weeks. Also he needed to know what had happened and most importantly if Kay was medically okay, and which next steps needed to be taken to assure he would he would get back to being 100%.

When he arrived at the nurses' desk Mara was already waiting for him. She took his paper and brought him to Kays room. Kay was already prepared to leave the ward, sitting in a wheechair and a doctor by his side, shaking his hand.

"So, good luck and hopefully a quick recovery. Please remember what I told you 30 minutes, 45 max. No unaccompanied walking until occupational therapy and physiotherapy start on Monday!" The doctor looked sternly at Kay. Having witnessed enough careless young patients fall flat on their face the first days out of ICU he really hoped his firm handshake and uncountable reminders would sink in to this patient.

"Yes doctor. Have a good weekend."Kay smiled and let Mara push him out of the room.

"So, I will bring you down, inform the nurses desk and then my shift is over. But I think you will have this lovely gentleman make sure your new room has everything you need. Maybe he will even be able to figure out that you look much better in your own clothes than in these oversized scrubs and bring some with him" Marc turned a bit red at the ears and promised to "take care of him" which had both Kay and Mara snicker softly in response.

Shortly after she left Marc sat down on a chair beside Kays new bed. Unsure how to begin he looked at Kay who caught his eyes. For a moment they just stared at each other simply enjoying each other's presence. "How do you feel?"

Kay shook his head slightly "okay I guess. Everything is tiring and I have a headache since giving my statement to Keller and Meier. But I am happy you're here." "Me too" they smiled at each other for a moment before Kay asked " What about you? How'd you get the neck brace?"

"We had to evacuate the stadium due to a storm yesterday"" Ah, drunken fan?"

"no, storm and tree." Kays eyes widened at that. "Just a minor concussion. A few more hours surveillance, one week of medical leave and physiotherapy for the neck. I'm good. Can you … would you tell me what happened ?" He didn't want to upset Kay or make him relive any kind of trauma, but he felt he needed to know what had happened or he would go insane. 'It won't change anything' a small voice of logic repeated in the back of his head, but the feeling was different.

Kay nodded" can we maybe grab coffee? I am allowed to go outside for half an hour as long as I use the wheelchair and am not alone."

"Of course". Marc helped Kay into the wheelchair a bit awkwardly before moving them downstairs to the cafeteria. There Kay told him the short story of how he ended up where Marc had found him. It was a short almost emotionless account of how he had went to the bushes in the far end of the park to take a piss after a very long and tiring run. When he came out and wanted to head back to his car Gregor had shown up and made a silly comment about "faggot prostitutes hiding in dark corners". Instead of ignoring him or leaving, Kay had goaded him, said that he can take his pick of women and men and never had to pay for sex in his life, but that he was sure Gregor wouldn't know what that's like. Then he had asked how much Limpinski usually payed to get his cock sucked. He had barely finished the sentence before the first punch connected with his face. He had thrown a counter that let the assholes lip bleed a bit. The answering second punch almost broke his nose and while his head was still swimming a kick connected with his belly that send him to the ground. The back of his head connected with stone which knocked him out and opened a nasty head wound.

End of fight. End of story. Luckily however not the full end as he was now back in the conscious world.

Marc sat silently, he was cursing internally. Limpinski for being an absolut ass and attacking him, but more so for leaving Kay unconscious on the ground. He cursed Kay for playing these silly games with anyone who provoked him. But silently he was also cursing himself for the whole situation that lead up to Kay feeling frustrated and needing a run far away from their usual stretch of woods, where none of this would have happened. He stared at the cup in his hands. "I was so fucking angry and jealous that night. I assumed you were out partying, maybe hooking up. Then I find you in a pool of blood, nonresponsive and I felt like the most horrible person on earth. I waited for news on your status until Frank dragged me out of the hospital." Marc stared ahead at a silent, almost shoked Kay.  
" Sorry, I don't know why I said that. I actually meant to ask something." But he didn't get to clarify any further as the timer on his phone went off.

Without another word Marc pushed Kays wheelchair in direction of the elevators and back to his room. Kay was just laying back down on his pillow when Marcs phone rang. He took the call directly "Hey Jenny, how are you?" he smiled at the phone.

Kay looked a bit confused in his direction. And his confusion only increased when he heard Marc reply a playfull "Yes, big city soul is awake and on a normal station now. - I can ask him" Was that Jenny from Stuttgart ? How did she know Marc?

" Kay? Kay, Jenny is asking if she can come by tomorrow and check on you? She's off tomorrow and Kathi and Lis are visiting family so she's bored." The blonde couldn't process the question properly for a moment, then he simply replied "Yeah sure" and went back to watching Marc exchange a few organisational details and pleasentries over the phone before hanging up.

"You know Jenny" Marc turned to face a decently confused Kay and just knew the perfect line to add to that confusion.

"Yeah, we met at a LSVD- demo in Stuttgart. Adoption rights." he was struggeling to deliver the line casually. But seeing Kays go speechless and his eyes go wide was definitely worth the struggle.

" Did I wake up in an alternate universe?" Kay wasn't unsure he heard right until he saw Marc starting to laugh.

"I should have taken a picture of your face." He moved over to the bed and sat down at the foot of it. "I was helping out with operations planning and execution for demos last weekend." He offered as an explanation and saw understanding dawn on Kays face even before he started his tale of the weekend meeting Jenny and Tom. A nurse came in to check on Kay and also to inform Marc that the physiotherapist had requested for him to continue wearing the neck brace until their first appointment on Monday morning. She wasn't gone from the room for more than a minute when Kay moved to the side of the bed and padded the spot next to him.

"I think you have more stories to tell. And I want to know and to listen but… we have never talked that much and not touched. Can you come up here?" His voice was uncharacteristically small and uncertain.

"Sure" was all Marc replied before sliding up next to him and turing to his side. He put his hand carefully on Kays cheek "But if you need rest we can also continue talking later. After waiting two week, two more hours won't kill me"

Kay didn't dignify this with a verbal reply at first. He closed the distance and simply kissed him for a long moment. "Don't be silly. I want to know what happened in your life. It appears I continue to be a part of it." he smiled hopefully.


	16. Play?

AN: I'm somewhat stuck with this story, but will try to post a few more chapters, hopefully I will get back into a rhythm. Writing for a fanfic like this feels a bit weird while looking at Saudi arabian Mountains - anyways, greetings from Sinai. I hope the situation for LGBTI* will improve in the middle east soon, cause ... well duh... LOTS of room for improvment and you know... human rights... equality and all that stuff... Here's to hope.

* * *

The talking only died down over an hour later. After Marc had clarified that Bettina knew, that it had been his decision to tell her, and that his situation at home was "not easy and not really settled". He finally felt like he had said everything that mattered. Kay looked at him unsure how to react. He could wonder about how any of this will continue, he could ask how Marc felt about it. He could bring up the open topic about the situation at work.  
But he didn't want to, he felt like Marc had taken so many steps in the last weeks that their whole situation had changed without him saying or doing anything. For all the pushing he had done before and all the fights they had had because of it, he felt elated. When he was younger, his mother used to tell him that every bad thing had a positive following straight. The bigger the negative the better the positive aspect soon to follow… a form of almost-instant karma she wanted him to believe in. Back then it had related to cuddling with is mother in front of a Disney movie when he missed a soccer tournament because of the flu. Now he was reminded of that theory, seeing as two weeks of a coma-like state had been "needed" for Marc to realize and speak about his feelings. He felt like it might be time to speak with his mother about him.

They cuddled close on the bed and set an alarm on Marcs phone for half an hour before his agreed pick-up time. When they woke at the alarm sound of the phone, they looked at each other calmly, happy in a way they hadn't been for quite a while. Marc went back to his room and grabbed the few items, mostly his uniform and got ready. Frank was driving him home after the release papers had been taken care of and informed his friend that their colleague Limpinski had been temporarily released from duty until the case had been resolved and clarified. Marc didn't want to say anything, knowing his mood would turn rotten if he spoke or thought about what had happened too much. But Frank obviously expected an reaction. Marc took a hard breath "he left him unconscious on the ground. Bleeding. If our system gets anything right, he should never get back to working as a police officer. " 

* * *

Back at home, Marc directly went to the nursery to check on the baby and when he started crying just a few minutes later, he cleaned him and changed his diapers. He was carrying Sebastian around the room rocking him while slightly humming to himself. It took him a few moments to notice Bettina standing in the door smiling to herself.  
"You're good at this Marc. You look horrible and very happy at the same time."  
Marc stopped, unsure how to reply. Bettina sensed she had said something wrong but couldn't understand what exactly made him pause, so she just offered "dinner will be ready in 10 minutes" before she went back to the kitchen.

Over dinner Marc felt reluctant to explain what had happened between the beginning of his shift at the stadium and his arrival back home, but Bettina kept silently, expectantly, staring at him and it was making him uncomfortable. Also it was clear that the hospital visits and physiotherapy in the next days would require a form of explanation. So he took a steadying breath and started recounting the events.

"…So in the end the gear absorbed most of the impact and all I need is a week off combined with some physiotherapy to make sure my neck/ shoulder flexibility is okay. But my head is fine." Marc finalized his explication.

"I am not surprised. You have always been very thick-headed." She smiled at him fondly and he couldn't help but smile back at her. He truly hoped that soft smiles and laughter over dinner was how the two of them would keep spending time, discussing their lives and their sons' in the future years. He hoped that she would eventually forgive him. Before he could talk himself out of it Marc shared the news that would turn this dinner back to the cold atmosphere that had dominated in the last weeks. "Kay woke up this morning." He stared down at his plate and pushed a piece of potato around waiting for Bettina to give any kind of comment.

"I assume he is going to be fine and you're going to visit him tomorrow." she said after a few moments. Her voice was cold, emotionless, mechanic in a way Marc couldn't remember hearing before.

"ehm, yes." And because he didn't know anything else to say, he finished his dinner in silence.

* * *

The next morning Marc made a stop at the apartment to grab some clothes and a list of items Kay had wished for. He found a sports bag and filled it quietly and spend a couple of minutes smelling all three shower gels he found in the bathroom to determine the best one. When he arrived at the hospital room Kay and a slightly exasperated nurse were already waiting for him.

"See?! I told you my clothes and shower items would be here within 15 minutes." Kay smiled triumphantly at the nurse.

"That's great. Now let's take the wheelchair to the bathroom. I will assist you in the shower and if we manage to get you dressed and back to bed within 15 minutes without any dizzyness or any other troubles, you'll get my permission to use the bathroom alone. Sounds good?"

"awesome." Kay smiled and moved himself from the bed into the wheelchair, obviously eager to get out of bed. "Marc can you put the bag on the bed?"

Marc did as asked and saw Kay quickly go through the items grabbing shower gel and a set of clothes and move to the bathroom with the nurse. When the door opened a little while later Kay smiled and managed to move the few meters between the bathroom door and the bed without much difficulties. The nurse nodded at him contently. "That was good. Now please don't hesitate to call for help if you need to or ask your friend to help you, but if you feel capable, please use all these very short distances -to the bathroom, to the window, to the shelf - as exercise and monitor yourself. If you want to go outside of your room –please keep using the wheelchair and make sure to not exert yourself. 60 minutes tops. "she waited for him to acknowledge all she said with a nod before she parked the wheelchair close to the door and turned to leave "my colleague will come by in 4 hours!"

"Thanks and have a nice day Christa!" Kay called after her. Only seconds after the door clicked shut he turned to Marc and tilted his head slightly. "Good morning kiss ?" he asked playfully and only had to wait for him to cross the two steps to the bed before he could feel his lips. Marcs range of movement was very limited due to the brace but they managed a soft and caressing kiss. The moment of tenderness and endearment left both of them breathless and wanting more but at the same time content.

"So, let's see if you can follow orders" Kay said and pulled the bag over, looking for one of the items he listed yesterday. "Kay, you do know I work at the police station."

"Doesn't necessarily mean you would follow my orders…let me boss you around." The last part was added only after he was sure Marc had caught the intended meaning of his words. He waited for a reply. To his surprise, he saw that the darker haired man just held his breath for a second while his pupils dilated. But he said nothing. That was interesting, and should definitely be analyzed once they were both back to full health, Kay decided.

He pulled the wooden backgammon box out of the bag and held it up to Marc " You know how to play ?"


	17. comparison

Marc was balancing a tray with three coffees and a cappuccino back to the room and only caught the end of what Kay was explaining "…was knocked out by a twig and now has some colorful bruises and a neck brace."

"Doesn't sound like much fun" Jenny said to Kay and was a bit surprised to hear Marc exclaim almost at the same time "twig? that twig was stronger than your calf !"

The silence and raised eyebrows that followed felt uncomfortable. And it got only more uncomfortable as Tom leaned forward from his seat next to Kays bed to look more closely at Kays legs and said "that's an …unusual comparison but it seems plausible with your forehead in the nice pink, violet and blue." which made Marcs face light up bright red and had Kay laughing lightly.

He felt how uncomfortable Marc was and changed the topic with a quick "Thanks for getting us coffee" as he reached for the tablet. Jenny threw Tom an annoyed look and jumped in "glad we called you just as you were making your order". She handed Tom the Cappuccino and started speaking about how calm the house is without her wife and daughter and that after enjoying the calm for about 4 hours it got boring way to quickly. She couldn't wait for them to come back. While she was explaining about the part of family "her girls" were visiting Marc remained standing with the tablet and the last coffee in his hand. Looking back and forth between the taken chair (Tom) the taken spot at the end of the bed (Jenny) and Kay he knew where he wanted to sit. But he didn't feel ready to live through the surprise and teasing that surly would ensue. He could just remove the bag from the left end of the bed and sit down next to Jenny. But somehow he didn't want to.

Any day now the information of his affair with Kay could become public knowledge at the station, here he was in a super supportive and safe environment, with the man he loved. If he couldn't live through the stress of a coming out here, would he ever be able to present Kay proudly and casually anywhere? He needed to grow some fucking balls.

He had just set down the tablet on the small table and looked in Kay's direction as he turned his head and looked straight at him a question clear in his eyes.

'Breath evenly pussy' Marc thought as he moved to the head of the bed and silently asked Kay with a tilt of his head to move over a bit. Kay was surprised, a little shocked even. After the insinuation just minutes before he had expected Marc to behave as unambiguously hetero alpha male as possible. After all, leopards weren't famous for changing their spots. But Marc was still standing there, looking at him. He moved, unsure as to what exactly Marc would be comfortable with. Should he keep a distance between them? Should he say something ?

His thoughts were interrupted as Marc moved his left arm around his shoulders and sat down close to him. "thanks hon" he mumbled while concentrating to look at the blanket.  
the "honey" had died on his tongue but Kay had heard and seen enough to not care about the missing letters, he was beaming at him.

Their moment had not gone unnoticed by Jenny and Tom who had both gone silent looking at them. "So Engel, you think you might have forgotten to mention that colleague Ludwigsburg is your boyfriend ?!" Now it was Kay's time to turn a bit red and search for a response.

"Not his fault. Ludwigsburg hadn't worked out his priorities until very recently. And you know I'm not exactly out and proud." Marc answered right away.

"Marc, I promise I will find you a new nickname, just please do me a favor and stop speaking about yourself in the 3rd person. I am allergic to this." Jenny replied foregoing any reaction to his confession.

Marc didn't know what it was exactly about Jenny that made him feel so comfortable, but when he heard himself speak without thinking about it and not regretting it afterwards, he felt sure he'd found a good friend.

"Okay." Marc agreed and took a sip of his coffee.

The next hour passed in friendly banter and exchanging of short stories and anecdotes between the friends. Every few minutes Kay would shift a tiny bit to feel the arm still resting against his shoulders and back. On the one hand he was feeling tired easily and nothing like his healthy and athletic self, on the other hand he felt happy and whole in a way he hadn't in a very long time.

Jenny was the first to notice when he slipped out of the conversation more and more frequently to yawn and looked more tired generally. So she grabbed Tom, made everybody hug goodbye and left Kay and Marc to have a nap. She had just closed the door when Kay turned on his side and smiled at Marc.

"that was pretty brave. In the beginning all of these are so fucking scary."

"yeah. I felt scared alright. I know they are open and friendly, but still I felt scared." Marc was shaking his head slightly.

"But you did it." Kay smiled and kissed him " I love you."


	18. exercise and care

The next days passed in a mix of physiotherapy, joking around about who has the "more impressive " stories, scars or discolorations, discussions with medical personnel, significantly decreasing headaches and a generally happy mood. Marc avoided discussions and fights with his family. He still felt nervous about the situation at work but became somewhat used to the idea of being welcomed back at the station with silly jokes about queers. On Thursday afternoon Britt, Frank and a few other colleagues from the station came to visit Kay. The 30 minutes of small talk and get well wishing felt long and a bit forced but friendly. At it's end Kay asked Britt to stay and took a chance to apologize to her. They ended up talking almost half an hour about Macho culture at the police and trying to fit in "with the boys".

Friday morning Marc had just finished his physiotherapy session when Kay was brought into the hospital gym. Today an exercise ECG and blood pressure measurements after exercise were scheduled. The tests would determine the next steps in therapy and give indication about how well Kay was healing. They would also decide when and under which conditions he would be released from hospital. Kay was joking with the nurse who accompanied him. He tried to appear relaxed, but Marc was able to see through it and notice the signs of nervousness and worry he was giving off.

"Hey Kay" he said as he approached them. Unsure how to greet him in front of the nurse he decided on an ambiguous hug with lots of space between their bodies.

"Hey Marc, how was your session?"

"Good. I can move my head and neck full range again. Back to work on Monday, but stuck to the desk for now."

"That's good." Kay was honestly happy to hear it, but at the same time sad that daytime visits would be much less from now on. Hopefully he would be leaving the hospital soon.

"hey" Marc started, dropping his voice a bit " I know you have some big tests today, would you like me to… is it okay if I keep you company ?" He looked to the side, suddenly not so certain Kay would want him present.

Kay smiled "yeah, I'd like that." He turned and made a few steps to the physiotherapist "Matthias, Marc will keep me company for the session today, is that okay?"

"Sure".

* * *

Little more than one hour later a very pale and very sweaty Kay fell into Marcs arms crying happy tears, that he would deny only minutes later.

"heeey, you did well, you did really well, hon." Marc said close to his ear, hugging Kay tightly." I can't believe they said Monday! I am so happy for you." He was so relieved and emotional himself that he didn't even think about appearances, just reacted to the tired emotional mess in his arms.

During the first minutes of the exercise tests some values had been "in the red zone", alarms had raised and the physiotherapist had interrupted the testing and called to have one of the doctors familiar with Kays history with them. The doctor analyzed all data and actually stayed with them during the exercise, changing intensity of resistance and requested speed seemingly at random until Kay looked like he ran a marathon and Marc started worrying and asking the doctor about overexertion and dehydration.

Finally, the doctor had released Kay from the strenuous exercise and attested him a stable and very strong cardiopulmonary system, even if the effect of the operations and almost three weeks of lying in bed were obvious. The blood vessels were holding perfectly, even under high heart rate and blood pressure and the doctor assured that by Monday afternoon he could be released if he promised to show up for checkups and continued to have sport only as supervised physiotherapy for two more weeks.

Marc helped Kay down onto a bench and quickly got him water and a sweater to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. When Kay finished his drink, Marc was offering his help to get up, placing a careful arm around his lower back until he was standing on his own and confirming he was stable and feeling okay. As they slowly walked to the doors, Marc joked that happy tears and sweat where a formidable combination on Kays face. "I wasn't crying." The blonde replied instantly, adding "Pussy" like an afterthought.

"u-hu, sure." Marc huffed. He noticed that Kay was struggling to move with the exhaustion "I can carry you upstairs if you want. Some change from the wheelchair."

Kay was just searching for a witty reply to that when the doctor caught up with them at the door. "Mr Engel, I am sorry. I was just thinking: how do you feel about going home tonight?"

Kay was looking at the doctor with a mix of confusion and hope. "I thought you just said Monday evening"

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry. As you may know, nothing will happen over the weekend. There is no need to keep you here but for monitoring, safety and suture care. I was previously assuming you were living alone." his head turned in Marcs direction shortly." But.. I mean, if your partner would make sure you are not alone for more than an hour or so and if he feels capable to help you in the shower and assists with the care for your suture it would be alright to release you this afternoon…" When he felt hesitation, he just added: "maybe you think about it. Ask the nurse to show you the suture care and let me know before 2 PM, okay?" he shook Kays hand and then Marcs and left in direction of the staircase before the couple could so much as exchange looks.

Silently they walked to the elevators. Kay knew that two and a half days of continuous nurse-service were not something Marc would be able to offer, not with a baby and in the middle of a break up at home. He thought of any remark to signal that it would be okay, but his mind came up empty. Damn, he really wanted to leave the hospital and enjoy that weekend together… but life was no fairytale. The elevator finally opened, Kay sighed as they walked inside.

"Don't even try to tell me it's okay for you to stay here. I know it's not. You have been in this hospital more than long enough. I will figure out a way to make it work. I promise. I will take Monday a vacation day and arrange the weekend with her. " Marc's words surprised Kay into silence but he firmly squeezed the hand Marc offered to silently communicate his thanks.

* * *

Sunday morning Kay was the first to wake. Staring at Marc sleeping soundly directly next to him, he felt that he could most definitely get used to this. He tried to remember when he had last enjoyed two days in a row of walking up next to someone. His brain provided an image of the first Sunday of the academy training, Marc stretching and getting out of the bunk bed while he pretended to be asleep and sneaked glances. Kay smiled to himself and started trailing his fingers along Marcs sides. They had at least two more hours before they had to get ready to grab Sebastian, Kay would make sure they used them well.


End file.
